Truth.

Things I have to remember:

It's over.  There's no point in asking questions.  There's no point in finding out any more info.  The damage is done.  It is not gonna go away.

I am on my way up.  I've been on my way up for a long long time.  I wanted him to go with me on my journey, but it isn't to be.

My heart is broken, but not surprised.  I think I knew this was gonna happen eventually.  I knew eventually he wouldn't be able to lie his way out of his lies.

I was happy being blissfully naive.  I didn't ask questions, I didn't snoop.  I just let it be.

And then, there, in front of me, without the asking, is the truth.  I tried to deny it at first.  I ignored the first truth, choosing instead to believe what I wanted to believe.  And even, the second truth.  I was angry.  I said mean things.  I was hurt.  But I think, with time, I could have let it be again.  And, now, I know, it never will be again.

I'm sad for me.  I'm sad that I think I've done everything "right".  I thought I was being "enough".

As it turns out, I will never be enough.

I'm sad for him.  There has to be a reason he can't love me like I love him.

I'm sad for JRDW.  He didn't do anything wrong.  But, isn't he gonna be the one who is the most hurt by all of this?  And, don't you think that Magnum might have considered that?  Or was Magnum banking on just never having lies turn into truth?

I know this is karma, and I should just take what I've earned.

I'm trying to look forward to a place when it doesn't hurt so much.  I'm trying to imagine the future me...without my husband...without my best friend.  I guess, though, if he truly were my best friend, he wouldn't have hurt me like this.  Then again, didn't I let him hurt me?

I hate being a sob story but I needed to make sense of some things.