Gah.

I have to get it out of my head and this seems to be the place to do it.  I want to write to her, but I don't want to get all creepy stalker on her-not that I'm not already.  Let's say I don't want to get any more creepy stalker on her.

She's 24.  I'm 40.  You do the math.  Age shouldn't matter, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it.  A lot.

She feels so good to me.  Have I ever felt this comfortable with anyone?  I try to blame it on the fact that we've been doing this "thing" for 4 years...but in my opinion we've always been comfie.

She's different this time.  Or maybe I'm different-although I don't feel different unless it's different as in I want her more than ever different-which seems impossible, I know.

I spent the night with her last Saturday.  Gulp.  Really, that's all I can say about it.  If I said what I wanted to say I'd have to make my blog "adult only" and I don't wanna.

Last night she made dinner for me.  Has a girl ever had me over to her apartment and made dinner for me before?  She told me she could cook before, but being the cooking snob that I am, I always thought "uh-huh".

The girl can cook.  She made stir fry.  Like, from scratch.  Fresh veggies, her own spices.  I don't even make stir fry like that.  And it was yummy.  I don't know what was better, watching her cook, or eating her food.

So, I'm avoiding my main point here.  Gah.

I want her.  I want her in every way.  I want her.  I want to give her things, and show her things, and do things to her like I've never wanted to do to anyone.  I want to do things with her, for her, that I've never wanted to do with anyone before.  I contemplate scenarios with her, that I've never contemplated before.  It is intoxicating and scary as fuck.

I want to be better for her.

I call her baby-but only in texts or online messages, and it gives me butterflies every time.

I'm gonna get broken.  But, I think it's worth it.