154

So, I've decided that the summer will offer enough challenges without adding a writing challenge to it. Even though I should write something creative every day, I'm not gonna commit to anything.

Also, I saw Joy a lot this week, for business matters. And, I gotta tell ya, she's not what I would call cute. She's what I would call beautiful. I don't know what (or if) anything will ever come of of our "relationship", but I'm glad to have met her. A friend of mine once gave me a quote. :) She said something to me, and I've used it ever since. And it has helped me in a lot of ways. That quote is "Let it be what it is." And, now, Joy has also given me a quote that I have been using lately...and it ranks right up there with Let it be what it is. It's the "I try to own it" phrase. Really. It's amazing how much that little phrase helps me to get a handle on my feelings about different things. So simple, right?

And, in other news...........I hate to admit..........but..........Pawn is.......not what I thought she'd be at all. Damn. Damn Damn Dammit. She is as far from "eh" as a girl can get. She and Magnum and I, hung out last night. At first I was a little awkward because they already had a kind of relationship. So, I think I was sort of on the protective defensive side? Not defensive towards her, but I was being cautious. I was afraid that maybe I would feel...left out? Like, she and Magnum would have this connection, and I would be sitting there like a potato, being bored and moody.

Yeah, except, she's not like that. She doesn't do anything to make me uncomfortable. She doesn't make little comments or do little things that would make me uncomfortable, like she could if she were that type of girl. And, she doesn't let me bully her. And I LIKE that. A lot.

She is the opposite of what I thought she would be. We had so much fun. We laughed all night. But it never felt like it was Me & Her or Me & Magnum or Her & Magnum. It always felt like it was the 3 of us together, with no one being left out. And no one being moody. :) She's just a fun girl. I felt comfortable with her. Not in a comfortable cozy way, so much (mostly because we laughed and laughed and it never got to that point), but in a "let myself be me" sorta way. It is Rare that anyone see me in that "light" so early. :)

And, she got her kiss after much resistance from me. It wasn't what I would call a moment but it was nice. The girl can kiss, I'll give 'er that. And, although I say it wasn't what I wouuld call a moment, it was pretty awesome. Because once we started kissing...we kept going back to it...again and again and again. Then as we learned the in and outs (hehe) of each other, it just kept getting better. And, I can not wait, to see her again. :) I guess I have Magnum to thank, because I don't think I would have ever seen what I saw, if it weren't for him. So kudos to Magnum!

And, I'm tired and I'm typing in bed and my arms are hurting...so maybe more later.

153

So, I finished my poetry challenge. I wrote a poem a day for the month of April. I NEVER finish things. I start with all of these good intentions, and I NEVER finish. Except...guess what. I finished it. I did it. I committed to it. I followed through. Go me!

And, I decided for the month of May I need a challenge...besides Joy. :) So, one of my options is from here and contains the following for today.

Friday, May 1, 2009

What's on your plate?
What are some animals that you eat?
Is it okay for people to raise animals and kill them for food? Is it okay for people to kill wild animals for food?
Is it okay for people to kill wild animals for sport? Is it okay for people to kill domesticated animals for sport?
Do you sometimes eat less meat as a way of reducing your contribution to the suffering of animals? Do you sometimes eat less meat for the sake of your own health?
This week's theme is your relationship with nature.

152

Write about farewell is today's prompt.

dad

surrender your heart
soul soaring
to higher ground

touch my cheek
tell me you love me
one final time

don't be sad
it's okay
close your eyes now

at last
peace
has arrived

and i miss you

and it sucks

151

I'm needy today. I didn't get enough Magnum time. :(

He definately goes faster at some things than I do. I'm not real comfortable with his pace. But, I also am trying to be...open and understanding.

I can't even write about it yet, because it makes me a little...ill.

150

Never Again

Never again
Will you do what you did
Never again
Will I let you win
Never again
Will you walk away
Never again
Will you hear me say
Never again

149

So, this post is going to be a bit...graphic? You've been warned.

Really.

Last warning.

Ok...here goes...

So, Pawn. She and Magnum had a date yesterday. I won't go into details because I'm still in the processing process. :) And, he tells me this morning that she wants me. In a big way. I've kinda been putting her off...because I'm just not so sure I'm that into her. Except that now that Magnum & She did their thing...she's more...appealing to me? Or maybe it's not because they did their thing...but maybe it's just because we've been chatting and texting more? So, I've kinda gotten to know her a bit more?

During our chat today, we kinda got into how badly she wants. :) And how she wanted to kiss me on our first date? And...between that and the few details Magnum has shared...it makes me all throbby. Which is completely unexpected??? Women are typically more intimate to me than sexual. But I think her age, which is 24 (in case you missed it before), has a lot to do with it. I think she's just at an age when she's more sexual?

I think she could be a lot of fun. :)

I'll keep ya'll posted. Oh, and, I guess this wasn't as risque as I thought it was gonna be.

147

I love him.

I love the way he loves.

I love that he is tender.

I love that he gets excited about 24 year olds. (And, I'm pretty sure I just moaned.)

I love that he doesn't let me get away with my abnormal behavior.

I love that I am HIS fucktard.

I love that, although it does not come easy to him, he is doing his best to be evolved.

I love his hands on my back.

I love biting his arm when we are snuggling.

I love that he gets weepy when he looks at his son.

I love the way he loves me.