R&R.

Turns out this is a rant & rave sort of post...sorry...

I think I'm starting to understand my mothers mind and how it fell apart.  Not that she's crazy really.  But at some point she lost her grip on some things...and I live with this constant nagging fear that I am also losing my grip.  The sad part is, I don't know how to get it back or to hold on to what little I have.

For the past few days I've just had this nagging icky feeling of...doom or despair or something equally icky.  It really, really, blows.  I feel like I'm at the bottom of a hill and just as I think I'm making progress on the climb, the earth beneath me slips and I stumble back to the bottom.

I've requested Magnum's help on some things, but he just doesn't have the desire or maybe the capacity to help me with it.  I feel like I'm being swallowed by some things...and I really need some assistance with conquering & slaying the dragons.

In other news...I'm going to Saint Louis by myself next week.  I'm excited, but I will also miss JDRW.  I haven't been away from him in a long, long time.  He almost cried when I told him today.

I started working at a green house today.  It's work, but it's not easy and it's sort of boring and the woman who owns it is old and kinda crotchety and crabby.  I don't want to go back tomorrow (and if I choose not to, I don't have to because my arm is supposed to be in therapy and the woman knows this and if I call her to say I can't work, it's no big deal), but it's money coming in that wouldn't normally be coming in...and I've been feeling sooo guilty lately about not having a job.  Sadface.

In other, other news, Skye and her girl are already fighting/breaking up/about to kill each other.  I don't know if I should be happy or sad about it.

And I guess that's all for now...ugh...I'm just so frustrated.