Swim.

It feels like I've been underwater for the last week.  Between being broken hearted and food poisioned, the world has just been passing by in a murky gray pond.

Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and break the surface.

Poisioned.

So, I signed up for this national blog writing month thing, I was all excited because I pretty much blog every day anyway...right?

Except yesterday I went to a local restaurant and I order the crab and corn chowder, and it was not very warm, and I only ate half of the over priced cup...and I've been sick every since. 

It hurts. 

So, I failed at the blog every day for a month thing. 

It fucking hurts.  It feels like there's a tiny little roller coaster in my stomach doing corkscrews.  Ugh.

Fingers.

JRDW loves olives.  And yesterday I put some on a salad and he wanted some.  So, of course, everyone else wanted some. 

I got a fork, and I was handing out olives, but of course I didn't want them to eat right off of the fork, so I was telling them to take the olive off of the fork with their fingers.  So, I'm passing out olives, saying "fingers, fingers, fingers..." and now one of the babies (who seems to be my fav these days) calls olives, fingers.  She points to the jar and says "fingers pwease?"  It's tooo cute.

Print...this?

Ha.

So, after weeks of whining, and months of not having, I don't even know what I need to print. 

Wah wah my printer is broken.  Wah wah Kodak is being a meany head.  Yahoo, I whined and got a new printer.

And, now...what the hell do I have to print? 

Kinda funny actually.  I'm sure once I get back into the swing of things, I'll have plenty to print or copy or fax or scan. 

I guess it's like, when you don't have a car you think "when I have a car I'm going here and here and here" and then once you get the car...you go no where.

Score.

I asked my instructor to look over my test before I left class yesterday and she said I did very well, and that I got 22/27.  But what does that mean?  What's my grade????  I mean I know it means I got 5 wrong answers.  But what does that mean???

Steps.

I understand why women stay with men who don't deserve them.

Pain.

Because if I could just suck it up, and let it go, and let him hold me, it would feel so good.  As long as I didn't think too much.  It would be the easy thing to do.

He lost my heart though, and he'll never get that back. 

Oh, I'm so pathetic, huh?  Poor poor me.

But it's a new beginning, a new month.  And, I'm gonna take full advantage of this moment!

In other news...I just wrote Mist the most pathetically pathetic email.  But there's been a lot of "stuff" between us, some anger and some resentment, and I'm just tired of it.  So, I sent her an email trying to just clear up some stuff, and explain some other stuff.  I guess we'll see how that goes.

I have my first test today, and I'm excited!  Me excited about a math test?  Who am I and what did they do with the old me?

That's all I got for now...

Oh wait...I just got my new printer!  Excited much?  As excited as I am about the printer, I'm more excited that I stood up for something I believed in, and got...what's the word?  Got...not revenge...got...what's the word?  Got what was rightlyfully mine because I stood up for myself? 

Petty.

So, every year since I've lived NY, Magnum and I have gone here.  We always go on Saturday.  We get up early, and drive to Warrensburg and I always buy a Pyrex bowl.  And, it's become a thing we do.  Stupid to say, I look forward to it.  I love the whole experience.  Do I need another Pyrex bowl?  Probably not.  Are the sales so awesome that it's worth the drive?  Probably not.  But that's not it...it's the whole walking around hand in hand, ooohhhing and ahhhhing at the stuff.  What can I say, it's these little things that make me happy. 

And, Magnum scheduled a work meeting, on the opening day of the sales.

Am I silly to be hurt by this?  Is it petty?  I am silly to want him to consider me? 

Yes, we could go on Sunday.  And, right now, I wouldn't go across the street with him.  But he planned this meeting way before all the drama.  So, the point is, he planned something on a day that's kinda important to me. 

Sigh.

I just expect too much.  But I don't think it's too much to expect.