So...Two asked me to go the movies...I wasn't excited about the idea...but I thought...ok, well, I'm working on being nice and letting all of this anger go......
So, we are (assuming nothing "comes up") going to the movies on Sunday.
I think I was just hoping to be cordial. I wasn't sure I wanted to jump right into the movies.
Be nice. Be nice. Be nice.
I think my main goal, isn't just to be nice. My goal is to get past my animosity towards her. I want to understand. I want to know why she is who she is and I want to know what it is that makes me so upset with her & her friendship with Magnum.
It wasn't long ago that I loved the idea of having affairs with married men. I loved it. I loved that he loved me so much, he'd sneak and lie and cheat for me. I loved that I was worth that risk. It made me feel...wanted. And we all want to be wanted, right?
I know now that that wasn't exactly the case. I know that I hurt people, and that it was a selfish ugly way to do things.
But, I really do understand how good it feels to be in the moment, to have his hands on me, to feel, at that moment, like he loves me, like just because we can't be together it doesn't mean he doesn't love me, need me, it thrills me to know that he still wants me.
So I get it.
When did I get so effing evolved? Fuck me. Now I'm gonna go write some...dreams. :)
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