MayOnaise.

I have a sinus issue. Grrrrr. And "non-drowsy" sinus meds, do indeed make me drowsy. I mean, I'm already a pretty sleepy girl, so those meds definately enhance my sleepiness. :) And, when my sinuses are at war with the rest of me, it throws me off balance. I constantly drop things and lose my footing. I'm sure, if my head didn't feel like it was full of mayonaise, I'd probably think my flubbering around would be funny.

My newest "friend", who I'm gonna call Fenton, has been away this week. I get all flippy when I get an email or a text. Fenton is different from my other friends, so we'll see how this goes. Although, we've agreed it will never be anything more than a "pretend" relationship...it's still been a lot of fun so far. It's good to be wanted.

I've talked to the New Girl since the whole "she said, she said" thing, and I was all about trying to make something work between us...(although, I have no idea anymore how she'd feel about that)...but I've decided to just let it be. I think a big part of that decision, came about because I feel like I should be defended about some things, and instead of feeling defended or justified, I feel like I'm being made out to be kind of a bad guy...I know...blah blah drama blah. Fine. I'll go into detail because this is my blog and guess what, I can. :) New Girl created a blog. I was her first follower...we've been chatting for 2 months now...she reads mine, I read hers. Occasionally we comment on each others stuff. Innocent. No bigs. Fun. Right? Except the last time I commented on her blog, Lucy, made a comment that I felt was sorta mean and outta line. And, that's what I don't want. I don't want to make some simple one word comment on someone's blog and have someone else, demean me or make me seem like a crazy stalker.

There. I got it off of my chest.

And, here's the part that's the oddest to me. I'd been talking to New Girl for weeks, and I invited her to derby. At her first night at derby she runs into Lucy, who was her friend when they were kids, but they hadn't communicated in years. As a matter of fact, neither of them knew the other was gay. And, now, Lucy acts as tho they are best buds and I'm a married stalker freak who's chasing a girl who doesn't want me? Or something?

As far as I knew, New Girl was cool with chatting with me? As far as I knew, New Girl was pondering possibly going out with me to a movie or something. She never made me feel like she wished I'd leave her alone? Or that she'd never go out with me?

So, now, again, I just feel like being open with my feelings and trying to be as honest as I could with New Girl, was just a waste? Like, what was the point if she and Lucy are just gonna sit back and have a good laugh? Grrrr.

And of course, there's still a huge part of me that still wants the New Girl to go out with me...just so that I can prove to her that I'm just a regular girl...looking for something to fill a space in me that only another woman can fill. Yes, I am married, to a man. Yes, I love him like I've never loved anyone and I look at him, and I'm home. (Two points for anyone who knows what movie that line is from.) But sometimes, when you are home all the time, you want to go on a vacation. :) New Girl is always talking about how she wants to find her forever girl and how I could never be that girl because I have a husband...and maybe she's right...but what's the harm in going out, seeing if we are compatible? Seeing if we have a connection. I've tried to explain to her that to me, it's not always black and white...that the gray areas can be absolutely awesome...but she's just not feeling it. :(

Le Sigh. :)

Wow, this blog certainly turned out to be different than I planned. Such is life.

And, even tho I'm a sleepy, groggy, girlwanting (andnotgetting), husbandloving, mayonaisebrained, girl right now, I'm happy. And to me, there isn't a better feeling than happy.