Higher.

I've never written my blog for or to anyone.  It's for me.  I haven't been writing some stuff for fear of offending people...but ya know what...if you don't like what you read, don't read.

I guess I'm not the dating type.  I don't know how to do it.  I guess for me dating leads to a relationship, and I don't know how to date without that ending.  I also don't do things half way.  I guess I over step or over share or over want.  I just don't know where the line is that shouldn't be crossed.  I don't know where it goes from being wooing to being stalking.

I guess the problem is, it's not a relationship.  I have to remember that.  It's a her having fun and me being there for it.

Now having said all of that...

I don't answer to other people.  I never have, I never will.  If you don't like my girlfriend, too bad.  I won't let you dictate who I can and can not see just because you have some stupid fucking hang up.  Usually those that are trying to dictate have a control issue.  Back the fuck up, leave it alone.  

People are so black and white.  People have been so programmed to believe things are and should be a certain way that they can't even begin to see (or even try to see) things different than what they've been programmed with.  I guess, I see things from some sort of higher consciousness.  I see things...simpler.  I don't worry about what everyone else thinks.  If it makes you  happy, and it isn't hurtful or illegal or harming anyone...then fucking grab it.  My problem is, I grab it...but it's been programmed not to be fucking grabbed. :)  It's all good.

I'm sorry I don't know how to be unattached.  To me being unattached, is simply not being attached AT ALL.  I tend not to feel secure enough to hold on by a string.  I need a fucking heavy duty rope.  Sometimes, I know, it feels like I'm wrapping that rope around your throat.  But I don't mean to.  I honestly just don't know how to do things.  I also just don't know what you want.  And, the easiest thing for me to do is just give up.  I don't want to give up.  I hate it when I feel stupid because I think I know what you want, and then I realize I don't.  I think this is why I can't do this sort of thing.  In a relationship you know, just by the agreement of being in a relationship, that it's all good.  There's a security in that.  

I guess I see things differently.  I see what could be.  But I see things from this stupid higher consciousness and I get so frustrated when others can't.  I get so frustrated because I KNOW, and other people won't even try.

It's not the first time.  Won't be the last.