SkyeHigh.

Coming down from my Skye high is no fun at all.  After the high wears off I start to think that maybe there really isn't anything there from her side of things.  Maybe she's just being nice.  Maybe she just really wanted green bean casserole.  She's said things to me that make me believe she likes having me around.  I like to think that she thinks of me when I'm not with her.  I told her I was going to stop seeing her one time, and she said please don't stop seeing me.  I was like awwweeee.

But she really sends such mixed messages.  I'm sure she isn't honest with her "friend" about how she feels about me-whatever those feelings may be.  Even if it were so simple as, I like hanging out with Rumor, she makes me feel good.  I just don't think Skye is secure enough to say something like that.  I also don't think she's been honest with me about how she feels about her "friend".   But at the same time, how can I expect her to be honest with me, when I don't even think she's being honest with herself.

This is what I think sometimes...and it's the same thing as last time when she started dating her ex.  She wants to be in a relationship.  She wants to have a girlfriend as it makes her feel worthy(?).  So she let's people believe she's happy...but if you got to the core of her...to her soul...there's Hope floating on a half deflated life raft.

It's scary to stand up for what you believe.  It's scary to stand up to people you love and say you know what, I know you guys won't like it but I'm seeing or dating or in a relationship with Rumor.   She makes me happy, I'm content, and I would love it if you could be supportive of my choices.   

I'm not saying she should not see the "friend" and choose to see me exclusively...although that would be incredible.  All I'm saying is I wish she could be really honest about how she feels.

Or maybe she doesn't feel that way about me at all and she really wishes I'd leave her alone.  Grrrr.  Women are so goddamn complicated.  :)   Of course, I'm just as guilty of this as anyone.  I want her to be honest with me about how she feels...but if she doesn't feel like she wants me, I'd rather not know and continue to pretend like she does.  Dammit.  I'm such a girl.