Pain.

What can be said that I haven't already said a thousand times over?

Let's get the particulars out of the way.  Yesterday Skye asked me to come over.  Before I went, I asked her what her mood was.  She said "sad, wanna be comforted, kissed".  Mmm, ok.  I can do that.  I reminded her that her girl would be home soon.  She told me she wouldn't see her until Tuesday.  I told her I could fill in until then.  She told me she didn't want me to feel like I was a fill in.  So, fuck me if I take that wrong.  To me, all of that sounds like come over, comfort me, kiss me, and you aren't just a fill in-you mean something to me.

Except when she tells her girl that I'm staying over, the girl gets pissy about it, and Skye pretty much tells me I can't touch her.

I'm not going to go into detail, because it's pretty sucky for me, but I will say that I decided last night that I'm not seeing her anymore.  I can't stand all of the lies and she said she said crap.  I just didn't realize until last night that the girl doesn't know Skye's still seeing me.  I hate being that little secret that no one knows about and everyone hates.

So, sad sucky day for me.

Then last night, I see a picture on facebook of my grandma.  And it breaks my heart and I sit right there on Skye's couch with tears streaming down my cheeks (which she never noticed) because I miss my family so fucking much it hurts.  I hate it sooo much that I am missing birthdays and milestones and holidays with my family.  Magnum doesn't even see his family who lives right here.  Meanwhile, I miss my family so much that it hurts.  The obvious answer is to move back to Illinois.  But if I did that I'd have to do it without Magnum.  My chest hurts just pondering it all.  God dammit it fucking sucks.

Add to all of that this miserable pain I've had in my side since last Wednesday-and well it's just the icing on the cake I suppose.

I'm winter cleaning, which is overwhelming and unfun and frustrating because no one helps me.

So there's my whine for today.

I miss her already.