Ride.

I kinda like it that other men fear Magnum.

I have chosen to embark on a new journey. It's exciting and scary. But, hang on, because I'm pretty sure it's gonna be an awesome ride.

I really really want to write more...but laying here in bed typing...my fingers clicking on the keyboard sound sooooo freaking loud...has the house ever been this quiet?

Frisque.

I think Nathan Kress is effing adorable. He's 17 so I feel ok in saying that. :)

So, here's a question...what's worse...an emotional affair where a physical relationship will NOT happen, or an unattached non emotional just fucking physical affair?

I am feeling frisky. You've been warned. :)

And, now, guess what...Ney asked me if I censor my blog because it's not private, and I told her I didn't. And I haven't...yet. Except right now I want to write about something not so wholesome, but I will not write it here because of the possibility of it landing in the wrong lap. (HAHAHA, yeah that's funny.) I will say that I'm tingly and will need to go elsewhere to write about these tingles. But, damn, they are good tingles.

OldManIsSnoring.

Today is a much better day physically for me. It's not great, but it's a thousand times better than yesterday. I had cinnamon toast and hot tea for breakfast...and it was very soothing.

But this rain, sucks. It's just blah rain. Grey rain. If it's gonna rain, could we at least get some thunder & lightning? Some big wind? Tornado warnings? Nope. We just get this blah grey wet nothingness.

The light at the end of the tunnel...it's supposed to be sunshiny & warm this weekend. So, that's something to look forward to at least.

And, that's all I got for right now.

Desperation.

I hate being sick, and I hate being alone. So, it's been a wonderful day.

I'm only here writing because I'm desperate for something to get my mind off of my nauseousness. I haven't been this stomach sick in a long long time and it blows. And, I can't call in sick to work, because I am it...the only one. If I feel this bad later, tho, I might have no choice, because I know I cannot do this two days in a row. I'm barely making it through today.

Usually Magnum can come home or stay home with me when I'm sick, but today he's busy and can't and apparently I was making him feel guilty, which just makes me feel worse.

Fuck. This. Sucks.

Whiner.

I took a stupid freakin' nap this afternoon, which ended up being more of a nightmare. I don't even want to go into detail, but now it's got me all...irritated and bothered. It was awful.

Joy was over for brunch this morning, as were several other people...but when Joy hugged Magnum as she was leaving, HOLY CRAP. I haven't seen the boy turn that red in ages. It was awesome.

Magnum is out doing boy stuff, and I had a bad dream and he isn't here. :( So, do I have bad dreams when he isn't here, or is he not here when I have bad dreams???

My head aches. Wow, what a whiner I am.

Followfallowfallowfallowfallowfallowfallowfallow.

If you are reading this...you got here somehow...maybe you just happened to get here by accident...I dunno. But the point is...why not "Follow" me? Go ahead. It's not hard. Click on the "Follow" button over <----------- somewhere...I love new followers...especially if they have a blog I want to follow too! Come on people, entertain me. Give me something good to read!

300

So this is my 300th post. Wow. And, all I came here for was to say that I've got this sinus thing and my voice is rumbly. It'll probably be wicked sexy in a few days. No really. My voice gets all husky...it's hot.

We went to dinner at Fridays...it was yummy...but it always ends up costing so much and I always feel like complete crap afterwards. Grrrr.

I also got my hair cut. I love my hair cutter (as JDRW calls him) David. Love. He does wonders with my head. :)

This week has been long and tiring...so I'm outtie.

PS. For the record...I miss the new girl a lil' bit.
PSS. I've been in such pain this week that I've pretty much been poppin' pain pills like candy.
PSSS. I'll probably be kickin' my uterus to the curb soon. :)

What Comes First?

So, do I get the urge to write, and then this shows up in my mailbox...or do I remember that it's that time of year again, and get the itch to write?

http://writersdigest.com/annual

And, does my oven know I have plans for a cooking party on Saturday and it goes out?  Or do I always get the urge to have cooking parties around the same time every year, which is the same time of year that my oven goes out?  (It went out last year just before an event at my house too.)

AstroThis.

I came here to write about how frustrated I was.  But then I thought, why be such a whiner?  Get over it.  Don't worry be happy.  Right? 

The sun is shining. There are little daffodil sprouts in the front garden. I get to see Joy tomorrow, albeit briefly. I'm also getting my hair cut tomorrow, which is much needed. I'm letting it grow out, but I can't stand when it gets all squirrely. And, I'm tired of wearing hats. Every morning Magnum says "Good Morning Astro Boy." For those of you who don't know...

:)

Of course, Magnum has been inaccessible during the day for the past coulpa days...and that makes me sad.  :(

I think the new girl and I can safely say "the honeymoon's over" now.  Sometimes I just get worn out trying to defend myself and my choice to be poly.  I believe in it whole heartedly, and it's hard sometimes when people around you don't/can't/won't understand.  Sometimes I'm quite delusional in thinking that if a person would just give me a shot, they might see something "worth" getting to know.  I guess it's sorta like religion to me.  A person can talk to me until they are blue in the face, about religion (namely Christianity) and I will never, never, share their beliefs, although at the same time, I can appreciate their beliefs.  So, I guess that's how the new girl see's polyamory.   Like, what's the point in trying, if you know from the get go that it's not gonna work?  Although, the reason I know Christianity doesn't work for me is because I spent years and years contemplating and learning before I decided.  I didn't just decide it wasn't for me...until after I tried it.  :)

In other news...I need meat.  :)  Like I'm hungry...but nothing sounds good except a big ol' steak or maybe a lobster tail.  Mmmmmmm.

I saw Ogre the other day, and I was awkward and shy.  Which is kinda funny, because it's not like I haven't been around him for extended periods of time.  I think it was just odd for me to have him at my house...even if it was only for about 4 seconds because I was being a big awkward dork.  :) 

I guess that's all I got for now.  B o r i n g.  :)

Idea Take 2.

So, I wrote about an idea I have for a little country store in my barn.  I went down and checked out the barn the other day...and I totally think it's something I could do.  Don't get me wrong, there's a little work that needs to be done...but not much.  It would be perfect to "open" on Memorial Day Weekend.  I guess we'll see.

Y.

I think I'm going to join the Y again.  I have to do something.  My energy is negative.  :) 

Censorship.

Nope, I don't feel as though I censor my stuff because it's no longer private.  I just haven't been feeling very passionate about very many things lately.  To be honest...I'm hurty.  My body aches.  And I'm tired.  I've always been a tired girl, but lately I'm soooo tired.   Really, I blame the gray weather.  :)

Stucco.

I wanted to put this link somewhere that I wouldn't lose it.  :)

http://www.diynetwork.com/how-to/how-to-add-a-faux-stucco-finish-to-an-inside-wall/index.html

I WILL Miss U.

I'm cutting out the carbs.  Really.  I don't want to.  I have an intimate relationship with carbs, for real.  :)  But it gets to a point in every relationship, where you have to decide if this is a positive or a negative.  And, sorry to say carbs...but you are outta here.  I love you.  I will miss you.  And I'm sure I'll relaspe and parttake of your yumminess from time to time...but you are kicking my ass and that's just not the kinda relationship I need right now.  Thank you for being there for the rough times tho.  :)

Worn.

I was googling fatigue and half way through I got too worn out to continue.  :)

Waiting.

I'm always waiting.  Why is that?  Does everybody feel like they are waiting? 

Idea.

So, I have this idea, and oddly enough, Magnum didn't sound opposed the the idea.  As a matter of fact, he made it sound like something I could actually do, and he'd help me.  What??? 

I want to open a little store in our barn.  Yes, that's right, in our barn.  A little crafty antiquey store.  Like a garage sale, but fancier.    There's a ton of crap in this house, so there'd be plenty to stock the store with.   And we are in a good location, traffic wise. 

I guess we'll see.

Begin.

I don't know where to begin with spring cleaning & home redo-ing.  I know, we have to do the roof before we do anything major inside...but still I could get organized or whatever...but really I don't know where to start...and it's frustrating.  I know the best thing is to break things up into sections or daily chores...but again, it makes me tired to just think about it.  There's sunshine today so maybe if I get out in the yard or whatever, the sunshine will inspire me.

Sunshine?

It bugs me.  And it shouldn't.  And I don't know why it does.  It makes me sad?  But why?  Yeah, um, Two is 5 weeks pregnant.  Which means she's due on Magnum's birthday...which I really hate.  Grrr.  Although I shouldn't care at all whether she's pregnant or when she's due. 

In other news...I went to the doctor last Friday and got felt up.  :)  He did a biopsy of my uterus...doesn't that just sound yummy?  Anyway...he's gonna do some tests, and more than likely I will have my uterus removed in the very near future.  I really don't think I'll miss it. 

I think I'm gonna take everything off of my walls today, and rearrange and rethink things.  That's always a fun time.  Then again, I'm soooo tired today, I'll probably just sit on my ass.

I semi met the new girl.  Well, I guess, I didn't meet her at all.  But I saw her in real life from across a crowded room.  And I talked to her on the phone.  She's cute.  :)

There is no sunshine.  I want sunshine.  Want want want. 

Wouldn't it be awesome if the doctor found a physical reason for my being tired all the time?  My other doctor told me to get more sunshine.  In upstate NY?  Ha.

Gulp.

I just opened my blog for public viewing.

I usually chicken out within a few hours and go back to private...we'll see.

Twinkies.

So, a few weeks ago, there was a girl sitting behind me in class, and she was answering a question the instructor asked, so I turned to look at her...she is by far the cutest thing I've seen lately.  I actually did a double take because she looks like Kristen Stewart with curves.  She's positively gorgeous.  So, I just looked her up on facebook...and she's there...and she's "friends" with my nephew.  Small small world, eh?

Spring.

Spring?  Is that you I hear knocking at the front door?

:)

I raked some sticks and stuff yesterday...and I think there is just something wrong with raking while there are still inches of snow on the ground.  But it was awesome to be outside.  For the next two months my floors are a lost cause...because it's nothing but muck outside and even if the people take their shoes off when the come in, the dogs have yet to learn to wipe their paws.

I'm thinking about going public with my blog.  We shall see.

And, that's all I've got for now because I have a six chapter test tonight that I need to study for. 

Peace.

Unrest.

There's this feeling I have...and I've been trying to put my finger on it.  :)  It's a feeling of unrest.  A feeling of discontent?  Like, I'm waiting, but I don't know what I'm waiting for?  And I don't want to wait anymore.

I mean,  I should be all sunshine & rainbows.  The sun is shining, my job is good, my family is good, my Magnum is good.  I should just be all sparkles. 

So, wtf?  Why am I not all sparkles dammit?

I'm sure it's just winter blahs.  I guess I'll make a list of things I'd like to accomplish, that always helps.  :)

My new favorite color is torquoise.  I know that's random, but I'm in love with it!

So, here's a little bit of funny for ya...about the new girl.  We were going pretty steady for about a week, texting, chatting, emailing.  Then she got all wrapped up in "you have a husband & I've been there and done that and I don't want to do it again".  So, yesterday we went back and forth over her not being able to understand that I am not one of those other women she's dated and it isn't fair to judge me by that, and me not being able to understand that she's been hurt by married women and she doesn't want to go down that path again.  Blah blah blah.

So, I say, fine.  The ball's in your court.  Do with it what you will.  Play or don't play.  And, I just left it at that.

I swear, five minutes later I get this email saying she was going to go to roller derby on Saturday, and who wants to go with her (it was a mass send).  So, neway...she already knows I go to roller derby.  Ha.  And, this morning, I got a reply to an email I sent to her on Sunday asking if she wanted to go with me to see a movie.  So, is she trying to play???  :)  Women are so damn complicated.  As soon as I gave up trying to prove my point, she's all over it.  :) 

I'm tired.  All day long I'm tired.  Then at night, usually around 9pm, my energy kicks in and I want to clean and do all kindsa stuff.  And to sleep, after having been dragging ass all day, I have to take sleep meds.  So I started thinking, maybe I'm nocturnal.  I've always been a sleep during the day girl and be wide awake at night.  So, who made the rule that we are not nocturnal?  Maybe some of us humans are nocturnal by nature but society forces us to be diurnal? 

Of course, then I watched House last night and the "subject" on there was nocturnal because she had some disease.  :)  Pfffftttt.

On Friday I get to go get poked.  Fun times.

That's all I got for now. 

Peace.

Go Bi.

I was talking on the phone to Teenager #1 the other day and she's having issues with her boyfriend.  We all know he's a jerk, and they break up and get back together about 3000 times a week.  But, she seems to think this time it's really over.

So she says to me, "I think I'm just gonna go bi."

And I say, "It's about freakin' time!!"

If nothing else, I'm a cool mama.

Challenge Whore?

Today I said something along these lines to Magnum:  "Why is it that I find a girl I can stand to talk to for more than 5 seconds without getting bored, and she kicks me to the curb, but the other girls, who I am bored with, wanna talk and talk and talk?"  And, Magnum says:  "It's because you're a challenge whore."

I don't want to be a challenge whore anymore.  I just wanna be the girl who gets the girl.  :)  Dude.

Either she's brilliant, or I'm a moron.  I'm going with the latter.  But, that's all I'm gonna say about that for now.

In other news...

I got a new computer.  Well, actually, it's a netbook, but it's incredible.  It's this tiny little beautiful thing.  It's barely more than a handful.  Mucho loveo.

We got a lot accomplished this weekend, and my body is hurting.  Ouch.   But, the good news is, it was gorgeous out today, so I got to wear my sandals.  The bad news is, my sandals make my big toes hurt.  :( 

I guess that's all I got for now.  Must sleep.

Stress.

I'm having a stressy day...and just fyi, if you know I'm having a stressy day, don't say:  "Oh, yeah,  you have such a stressful life." 

Grrr.

I don't do a lot of crying.  It's just not my style.  But for some reason, this morning, I'm all water works. 

The word I use is frustrated...because I just don't know what else to say.

Magnum & I can't seem to get on a the same page about the teenagers.  I want us to be together in our decisions, not against one another.  I need his support, not his criticism or his doubt.  Not to even mention the teenagers father...what a disappointment he is. 

And, Magnum has a trip today and I can't go with him and it makes me sad and mad.  When I first moved here, he always took me on his trips, now he never does.

Then, it's still fucking winter.  :)  I know, you live in upstate ny you get 9 months of freakin' winter...but dammit...I need to open the doors and windows and get some fresh air in this house.  And I want to see green grass.  Dammit.

And there's a new girl...or not.  I dunno.  I'm trying to keep an open mind.  Of all of the girls I've ever chatted with or dated, she seems more like me than most of them.  Which could be fun.  Or not so much.  Of course, she's not bi or poly, so I'm swimming upstream with this one.  In a perfect world I'd meet a girl who Magnum would get along with, and they would both love me.  :)  But we all know, the world's not perfect.

See, I'm even too frustrated to write.

But, lets end this blog with some positive thoughts...

The sun is shining.  I'm not sick.  It's almost the weekend.  Yeah, I'm way too frustrated for this postive crap.  :)

Horizon.

It just seems wrong on so many levels to have a crush on my husband's aunt.  But dammit, she's just so...perfect.  :)  She gets my humor.  She has this hair you want to get lost in.  :)  She's an amazing photographer.  And, it's just a little crush.  And it's fun because it'll never be more than a little crush. 

Boston.  Wow.  I mean, we didn't really get to see much of the city because it was raining and snowing when we were there, but it was awesome.  I want to go back in the spring.  We rode on city transportation; a bus, a subway, and a taxi all in the same day!  We visited here.  We saw Boston Harbor.  We walked through Quincy Market.  I want to go back there when I'm not freezing, to sample more of the yummy foods.  I also want to go back when I can take pics.  Then, on Sunday we went here.  It was gorgeous and fun but outrageously cold.  Again, I can't wait to go back when it's warm.  JDRW had a blast seeing the ocean for the first time.

This is March 1st.  I told Magnum that as of March 1st, I'm going healthy.  I don't wanna.  But I know, in the end, I'll be thankful.  Plus, if I'm eating healthy, Magnum eats healthy by default.  :)  I still don't wanna.  But I'm gonna.  Madface.

There's a new girl on the horizon.  I will be taking it extra slow.  Extra.  Slow.  At present, she seems pretty cool.  And, that's all I'll say about that for now.

Maybe more in a bit.