Lessons.

When am I going to learn to listen to Ney.

She told me not to...and I did.  And, now I just feel kinda stupid.

Eh.

Live and learn.

Fit.

O.  Wow. 

Really those are the only words. 

I think too much.  I have to fit people in, to make sense of what the point is...before I can get comfortable with moving forward. 

I ended up in her bed.  :)  Warm & cozy much?

And, yes, friends & exes, I still use the famous phrase:  Get Off Me!

Butterflies.

Ugh.  Wtf am I doing?

She texted me yesterday...we chatted a lil yesterday...I saw her at work this morning...and had lunch with her this afternoon.  The worst part is...it's like we were never apart.  So, it's happening so easily.  Too fast?  I think?

I asked her, once again, what she wants from me.  She said she doesn't want a relationship right now.  Of course, then she asked what I wanted from her. 

It's too easy to get sucked in by her.  I told her that in the past it's seem a bit one sided.  I mean it's sooo obvious that I want...whatever it is I want...but it's not so obvious what she wants with me. 

I guess what I'd want from her, for starters, would be that she reciprocate.  I don't like feeling like I'm chasing her.  And, for the record, this time, I haven't been chasing her.  I simply sent her a message asking that we be able to talk.  I wanted to talk to her about how we left things last time.  Two days later (yesterday) she texted me.  Today she asked if I wanted to have lunch with her. 

If she was anyone else, I'd take it as it seems...like she wants to hang out with me, like she's interested in me, like this is the beginning of something with potential, like she's attracted to me.  Like she wants me.  :) 

She gives me butterflies.  The last real person to give me butterflies like that was TJ. 

And, if I go to her apartment, there is no doubt in my mind that I will end up in her bed.  :) 

In a perfect world, she'd be my girlfriend.  I wouldn't have to share.  However, considering I'm married, to a man (o, no)...I could never ask her to be my girlfriend. 

Which brings me back to...wtf am I doing?  What's the point? 

As JD so perfectly put it...maybe I just let it be what it is. 

O, and a final note.  After lunch I told her she gives me butterflies.  Her reply?  She got butterlies too and it's been a long time since she's had those.

She's back.  Now what?

IceIceBaby.

Who wants to guess who texted me today?  :)

Uh-huh bitches. 

Guess we'll see how it goes this time.  I did tell her that I was uhappy about how she treated me last time.  She apologized.  Works for me. 

I also asked Izzy out today.  Haven't heard back yet.  We shall see.  (Funny that Izzy & Skye both have the same first names.)

Skye just makes my skin feel good.  I know it's crazy.  And, I usually don't want back in with someone who's pissed me off or hurt my feelings.  I've never been that way about her. 

BTW...welcome winter.  There was a thin layer of ice on my windshield this morning. 

And, I just looked at my spanish grade...the class average is 80%.  My grade is 187%.  WTF?  I mean, I'll take it...but I don't know what it means.

It's been a long time since I last spoke or chatted with Skye...we are chatting now on fb and it's just...I don't know...sorta like she never left...but cautious.

The fall just got a wee bit brighter. 

Yum.

Uninspired.

Today I am...uninspired.  Being uninspired causes me to also be cranky.  And, all of this is due to someone elses fuck up, and that pisses me off. 

And, I'm cold.

Sometimes just coming here to whine, inspires me to see things in a different light.  But right now, it aint workin'.  At all.

Ok, well I thought this would help.  :)

Candy.

HAHA...NOTE:  I write a blog and then I title it.  Well, I titled this Candy because I mentioned that the video below was candy...so then I decided to go back and give each section a candy lable.  :) 

Wow...so much to say...let start with the bitchyness first to get that out of the way...then we'll get to the fun stuff.  This section would be those black and orange wrapped chewy peanut butter candies...I hate those.

The college screwed something up...miscommunication between different departments...and so now I have to wait another week for my loan check.  WTF people?  So, those people, who are employed and get a paycheck (for doing a job they didn't do properly) each week screwed my paperwork up so that I have to scrape and scrimp for yet another week?   It just pisses me off so much...but at least I have the actual date of when I'll get it now.  Red Hots.

Now the fun stuff...

Boys.  They are on my mind.  Perhaps I should say men...haha.  I keep dreaming about them.  I wake up all cozy.  My dreams overall have been nice lately.  If you are my facebook friend...check out the 2 Tylers on my friends list.  Pure beauty.  Chocolate filled with creamy smooth caramel.

I'm doing excellent in school.  I got a 100 on my last Spanish quiz.  Get Out!  Me?  Doing well in a foreign language class when I seriously need Magnum to translate if someone on TV is talking with a british accent?  But, alas, it is true.  My other classes are all Early Childhood Education related...and of course I'm rockin' those.  :)  Pop Rocks.

I know this is just a general skim the surface blog.  I'm working on a Skye blog...I'm just not ready to put it out there yet.  Butterscotch that you almost get done sucking on...and then you accidently swallow it and start to choke.

And finally, apparently if you write about Courtney Jensen in your blog...people come to read it.  For the love of pete...all of the visitors to my blog entry title TastesLikeChicken come there because they've googled Courtney Jensen and my blog shows up.  So, if you got here, because I'm blogging about Courtney Jensen, please follow me...I do write about her often.  And just to tempt you further here's a lil candy (chocolate covered cherry) for you:

 Thank you.  And have a wonderful delicious candy filled day.

Quickie.

This week has been rough moneywise.  My check should be here sometime between today and midweek next week.  I'm dyin' over here dammit!

A few nights ago I dreamed about one of Magnum's nephews...omg.  The boy is beautiful.  (And by boy, I mean he's like...25 or something.)  It wasn't a sexual dream it was a cozy dream.  And he's one of those people that are always warm.  Like if you sit next to him at dinner you can feel the heat coming off of his body.  Hubba.

I recently discovered that Skye is back.  Of course, she wasn't very nice to me just before she moved, so maybe that'll still be the case.  Sucks tho.  She's my fav.

I also dreamed about Ney & Two in the same dream.  Again, it wasn't sexual but it was cozy and comfortable.  Grrrr.  I hate October!

And, that's all I've got time for now because I have to get my ass movin...gotz to get to kollege.  :)

TheSkye.

OMG, she's back.

Dribbles.

I really have nothing to say.  I'm trying not to let October get the best of me...although I have been extra spacey this week.  I had an assignment due yesterday, that I absolutely and completely forgot about.  And it's not like I didn't know it was due.  I wrote down the date and everything...yet, I forgot to do it. 

I got to see Teenager 2 play soccer for the first time this season, and I was impressed.  He's really pretty good.  Still a little awkward, but overall a really good player.

As far as JDRW and soccer goes, he plays...er...tries to play.  He has a good time, that's for sure.  :)  He laughs the entire time.  I love it.  Actually, he's really good at dribbling the ball but he's not as aggressive as he probably needs to be.  But in his defense, most of the other players are girls, and I really don't think he wants to pick on a girl.

And that's all I've got for now.  :(

Flake.

Isn't this about the time of year I flake out?  Odd, that I can actually feel it trying to happen.  I'm more tired, moody, crabby, and overwhelmed.  I can't get my head around stuff and I feel like I always need to be doing something, while at the same time feeling like I'm doing nothing or getting nothing done.  At least I'm aware of my issue with fall.

OOOO, not to mention that this is an anniversary of sorts for me.  Which explains a lot actually.  In 2001, I called Magnum, who was married to someone else at the time, and he told me he'd left his wife for Two.  He broke me that day, in ways I never want to be broken again.  I still remember the pain in my chest.  I remember the day because the date was the same frontwards as it is backwards.  10/11/01.  Dun Dun Dun.  It was a long time ago, but there's still this insecurity that creeps in every once in a while and I never remember why...and then...o, yeah, that's it!  :)

Roof.  In about 2 weeks we'll have one.  Yay!  It took us for ever to pick a color.  We're having a metal roof put on.  You can click here, to see the color choices.  We chose charcoal grey.  Magnum had it narrowed down to Grey or Green, but I think grey is much more versatile.  The most exciting part to me, is once we get our roof done, we can start to work, bit by bit, on the inside stuff.  I'd love to do our kitchen & dining room and halway ceiling in this.  It's expensive, so we might have to do 1 a week for 217 weeks, but it'll look so pretty.  :)  Which, if you're wondering, for 217 squares it would end up costing over $4000.  :)  Eeek.

Izzy & I...well, I guess we aren't anything.  I'm not sure what happened there.  We were going along just fine, and I decided it was getting sorta eh, just emailing, so I was thinking it was time for something to happen, and well...it just fizzled.  She says she's got a lot going on, and lord knows I have a lot going on.  O, well.  I'll let it rest for a wee bit and see how I feel in a week or so. 

In other news, I still don't have a job.  Not that I've been looking real hard.  I keep thinking something will find me.  My limited availabilty definitely puts a crimp in things. 

Ok, enough for now.  I have spanish homework.  Yay.

Moody.

I don't know if I'm crabby or if people are just extra irritating today.  :)

Yesterday Magnum said he might stay home today...so I was thinking he wouldn't say that if he wasn't going to stay home.  Ha.  He got up this morning despite my whining, and went to work. 

That just set the mood.  JDRW and I both have the day off, it's going to be 80 degrees...it would have been nice if Magnum could have stayed home with us. 

I'm sure JDRW and I will have a great time today. 

Truth be told, I'm in the not trusting mode right now and in the back of my mind I think maybe he's not just going to work.  I learned that Two's husband is out of town for a month...and two days after he left Two appeared on some of MY families friends lists.  There's no doubt in my mind that she's contacted Magnum since her husbands been gone. 

Grrr.  Then again, if he were seeing her, I could move back to St. Louis.   :)

FailAgain.

FAIL, again. 

I guess I'm just not as dedicated to blogging as I once was.  :(

Butted.

I accidentally butt called Izzy this morning.  Whoops. 

It's cold.  What's new right? 

I'm really going to work on making this blog more entertaining for readers.  Yay. 

I think JDRW bruised my eyeball last night.  He poked his little finger right in my eye on accident.  And it's sore today.  :(

I'm poor.  And I hate it.  :(  We are between my last day of work in August & my student loan check, which I won't get for another 10 days or so.  Grrr.  O, well, at least I'm happy.  Right?

Roofie.

We are finally getting a bid on our roof.  Whoot.  Dude says, if we accept his bid, he can get it done in a weekend.  Awesome. 

Men are dicks.  Men get mad and instead of dealing with it, they stomp around and do this rumbly "I'm a man and I can stomp" thing all around the house.  Grrrr.

In other news...

Who has 2 thumbs and got a B+ on her Spanish test??  This girl!  Yay me. 

Here in the wonderful world of upstate NY, it's going to get down below freezing tonight.  Are you serious?  Today one of my instructors told us to close our eyes and imagine a happy place.  Everyone else was imagining a beach, or a meadow...I was imagining St. Louis.  :)

For the first time in weeks, I haven't heard from Izzy.  Honeymoon must be over.

And, that's all I got for today kids.

Change.

I don't know if it will ever change.  Every year, same ol' thing.  Gets worse, doesn't seem to get better.  Sometimes I just think I need to make a drastic move, something to shake it up a little bit.  More often than not I find myself aksing, What's it all for?  The point is to get better, not to keep muckin' through the mud over and over and over and over again.  It's all just the same.  Never better, never changing.  If it does change, it's getting worse.  My hope is seeping out of my pores, being sucked dry by reality.

YoEstoyCansado! (I think.)

I slept like a log last night.  I haven't slept that solid since...well I don't even remember when.  I woke up with my face smashed to my pillow, little drool puddle on my cheek, completely unaware of the day or time.  It was awesome.  I want to wake up like that every day.  It was fabulous.

And, I feel good today.  It's nice.

I took my first Spanish test today.  Yay.  I think I did pretty good.

You know what I hate?  Waiting.  For the love of pete, I hate waiting.  Right now it's a waiting game again.  Find a roofer, get the roof on.  Grrrr.  I hate to wait.

I've been emailing with the new girl...wait while I think of a name...still thinkin'...grrr...why can't I get a name for her?  I'm trying too hard maybe?  Fine, I'll go with Izzy.  So, I've got this new "friend" Izzy.  I haven't met her in person yet, but we've been emailing/texting for a few weeks now.  She's seems promising.  But here's my current issue.  I'm not working.  Which means?  We don't have a lot of money to be whorin' around.  :)  Also, money, is my biggest stressor.  So, if I'm stressing about money, I'm unhappy in general, and the last thing I want to do is go out.  I want to let her make me happier.  But the timing is kinda sucky right now.  She's being patient with me tho, so that's good.

We get our new roof soon.  I hope.

And now it's time to get JDRW off of the bus.  Adios.

Verbage.

Sundays, as it turns out, are not a day of rest for me.  I mean, sure, I always get a lil afternoon nap, but I've realized that Sundays end up as catch up days.  All of the crap I've put off since Friday, has to be done today.  I have a Spanish test tomorrow.  My first test of the semester.  I think I'll do ok.  I'm gonna spend the next few hours studying.  However, during my afternoon nap I had a spanish verb epiphany.  I was absolutely lost when it came to verbs, ser & estar.  But, laying there today, I got it.  It just clicked.  Yay me!

I haven't felt well lately.  It's distressing.  :(  My head aches, and the my belly aches, and then my head aches and then my belly aches.  I just wanna feel good.  Dammit.

It's been rainin in NY for about the last 6 months.  Seriously.  And, it's getting colder.  I'd love to have some cool weather with sunshine.  But there's no sunshine. 

Did I mention yesterday that we're getting a new roof?  I think we are going with a metal roof.  I like the plain galvanized roof, but I think we'll end up going with a color.  I love the white.  We'll probably end up doing it in a gray.  As long as it gets done, who the hell cares what color it is?

I got a blackberry.  It's not working.  Ha.  It's a hand me down and I thought we had all of the kinks worked out, but alas, it still isn't working.  :(

I also decided today, that I'm tired of being a fat ass.  :)  Seriously, I feel uncomfortable where I am right now.  I don't know why?  So, I'm gonna do something about it.  Hopefully by the end of the month I'll have a good report.  It is hard, however, to eat healthy and not have extra money to throw around.  It is also harder to eat healthy when you feel like crap. 

Mmmm...Magnum's about to put a fire in the fireplace...it's about to get cozy up in here.

HereWeGoAgain.

Why, yes, yes I am on the blogroll for October.  It's my favorite month, although this day has been icky.  I've just been cranky...for no good reason.  I feel kinda crappy, and have for a few weeks.  My head aches every day, and today I've been nauseous.  Blame it on the lack of fucking sunshine.  Screw you Dr. Sunshine.  Screw you. 

I was going to grab a prompt from NaBloPoMo but they only post new prompts on weekdays.  :( 

The theme is between. 

Just between you and me, the new woman-I guess I have to give her a name eventually-seems pretty cool. 

And, that's all I have for now because I have to pee.