Decision.

So, I made a conscious decision to unblogroll myself.  I decided I didn't have the desire, or the time, to write.  I'll write when I want.  Not every day because I have to.

I started taking my happy antistress drugs again.  So far though, I'm not feeling it.  Granted it's also PMS week, but still.  You'd think I'd have some relief.

I haven't been able to focus.  I haven't been able to really get excited about anything.  I haven't been able to do things I used to love to do.  I'm just this big ball of blah.  I lack hope.  I really have it in my head that I will never be happy here.  The lightbulb guy said to me, "You gotta take care of you.  And do what's best for you."  Wow.  I wish it were that easy.

If I weren't such a conflict avoider.  If I didn't want so desperately not to hurt or to hurt others, I'd go upstairs right now and tell Magnum I was moving back to Illinois and he can come with me if he wants.  But I won't. 

His family is stupid.  They all live within a few miles (and in one case a few feet) of each other yet no one gets together.  There is none of that familial stuff.  Someone gets sick, everyone bands together.  Someone has a birthday, everyone gets together to celebrate.  Holidays.  Sunday dinners.  Not his family.  Some of them don't talk to each other.  Some of them talk to each other, but as soon as the other one leaves, it's talking negatively about them.  I fucking hate it.  If I ever move back to where I belong, I will go to every event I'm invited to. 

Teenager 1 lives with her boyfriend.  In the summer they stay in the lake house.  JDRW and I were there for a lil while the other day, and that's the closest I felt to comfort in a long time.  Just lounging around with family.

So there's my whine fest for the day.  Poor poor pitiful me.  :)

Here...

is my daily post.  Nite.  Swim this.

RandomTerror.

Fuck.  Magnum is watching Grindstone Presents:  Planet Terror.  I'm gonna have to leave the room.  The few times I've looked up I've seen things that will probably give me nightmares.  EW.  He's laughing at the movie.  It is disturbing.  I won't even link the movie here, because I don't want to see the website or pictures of anything from the movie.

Tomorrow I'm having my health fair at work.  I'm kinda proud of myself for having organized it by myself.  But I'm nervous because if it's a bummer or a dud, it's all me.  :(

So, all of my kids have had plantar warts.  Is that weird?  I didn't realize it was hereditary.

Ok, I have to go now...I can't stand the sound effects from the movie anymore.

I didn't write the word swim in this blog.  But now I did!  :)

PicDayTwelve.

A picture of your favorite animal.

It's a tie between:

from http://www.petitelapgiraffe.com/ 

 AND...

And:

PicDayEleven.

A PICTURE OF YOUR BIGGEST INSECURITY

Wow.  Seems I can't think of much.  I'm not very insecure about anything anymore...oddly enough. 

I guess I'm insecure about growing old without being "accomplished".  Here's a funny I just found.  :)

Swirly.

O My.  I haven't felt this crappy in a long time.  When I lie down, I feel like I'm going to pass out.  And my tummy is swirling and swimming.  I'm not nauseous tho.  I just have a general feeling of being on the brink of unconciousness.  It is not pleasant.

If my Health Fair wasn't in 2 days, I would not go to work today. 

JDRW is learning to ride his bike.  It's pretty freakin' awesome watching Magnum teach him.

It's 3:56am, and I'm not sleeping.  Yes, it does indeed suck.

PicDayTen.

A PICTURE OF SOMETHING YOU WISH YOU WERE BETTER AT

SoRandom.

So, I've been organizing a Health Fair at work, pretty much all by myself, for the past few months.  It's been going well.  I have a lot of vendors lined up.  It's all good.  Except suddenly I find myself stressing about it.  WTF?  I guess because now it's down to trying to fit 20 plus vendors into our Community and TV Room.  I'm sure it'll all work out.  But still...it's a lil stressy.  And management will be completely useless in helping me.  She's a whole other story though.  I'm sure the whole event will turn out swimmingly.

And, I was just thinking, this time next year, there's a 98 percent chance that Teenager 2 will be off to the Air Force.  I think it's wicked cool.

I have to hand it to Magnum, he's really doing so much better.  I'm sure it's because of the St. John's Wort, but I'll take it. 

I haven't felt well for the past few days.  I can't even put my finger on what it is.  It feels like my ribs are being stretched open, if that makes any sense.  And like I have a lump or something right below my breast bone.  Grrrr. 

And that's all I got for now.

PicDayNine.

 

A PICTURE OF SOMETHING YOU WISH YOU COULD FORGET

Grapes.

JDRW wrote a song.  Or rather a line to a song.  And he's been singing it for a few weeks.  It's sooo stuck in my head.  "Why, in the sky, would you daaaannnnnccceeee?"  :)

In other news, it's 3:38am, and I'm not sleeping at night for the first time in a long time.  Because I don't feel good.  I can't even put my finger on why I don't feel good.  It's just a general feeling of uncomfortable.

I miss my light bulb guy.  Sadface.  He has my number.  Let it be what it is.

After much debate, I've chosen to reengage in taking some focus medication.  :)  Hopefully it'll help me get back on track.

Right now I'd love to be swimming in a bowl full of cold grapes.  Wouldn't you?

ToneThis.

Ha.  So, this afternoon my printer at work broke.  Like, there are parts swimmin' out of the friggin' thing.  So I call the boss.  I inform her.  She said, "Ok, we'll get you a new one, they aren't too expensive."  I'm like, OK.  Cool. 

Then she calls back and asks if my copier is also a printer.  I'm like Yup.  She says, maybe we have a disk for that.  (I guess she didn't realize that you could just get the drivers off the www). 

Anyway about an hour later she comes in with the manual to the copier, and an order book for a new printer.  She says, pick out a new printer, keep in under 200. 

So, I go through and mark 3 printers that I find interesting.  But, in the meantime, I don't have a printer so I decide, what the hell, I'll go ahead and put the huge ass copier on my desk, rearrange some stuff and hook it up to my computer.  It looks awkward, but I figured it's only for a few days, I can handle it.

HAHAHAHAHA.  I get it all fixed up, I even print a page.  Of course, that's the ONLY page that I'll be printing, because the friggin thing is, wouldn't ya know, out of toner. 

PicDayEight.

A PICTURE OF SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU SMILE:

PicDaySeven.

A pic of someone who you've been friends with for a long time, and still feel connected to.  That would have to be Ney.  :)

LightsButNoAction.

When I got to my office today, the door was wide open.  I'm not a fan.  Apparently, the handy man and the cleaning man, who are working on my floor, got hot, so they opened my door and turned on my air conditioner, so they could stay cool across the hall.  Really? 

Today was my last day with the lighting guy, and I'm gonna miss the lil fella.  He's such a sweetie.

I hate it that I don't have time to be more creative in my blog these days.  These days my state of mind is: 

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, it's what we do, we swim."

PicDaySix.

A picture of something you hate.

I hate smoking.  And I really hate disrespectful smokers.



Crooked.

I dreamed about kissing a girl.  I'm pretty sure that girl was Skye.  I'm pretty sure the reason Skye is on my mind is because Swim is on my mind.  :)  I realized yesterday that they both work for the same company, in different states tho.

And, completely not related at all.......

Here's a question:  If you know crooked stuff is going on at work, what do you do about it?

Lessons.

JDRW can't swim.  I'm embarrassed by this.  My other kids all just learned.  There were no lessons.  One day they weren't swimming, the next day they were.  I think it has ALOT to do with where we live.  It's not warm enough to swim here.  In Illinios, we swim from late March until October.  Here we're lucky if we get two weeks worth of swimable days all summer. 

So, I guess he'll need lessons.  I feel like a crappy parent because my kid can't swim.  Ugh.

PicDayFive.

A PICTURE OF YOUR FAVORITE MEMORY

Wow.   This one is hard.  I have a lot of memories that are favorites...I'm not sure I could pic just one.  Now I'll have to think...hmmm...dammit...can I come back to this one? 

Ok, got it!

Home.  My favotire memories are of home.

PicDayFour.

A PICTURE OF YOUR DAY

4th.

Happy Independence Day, Y'all.  I hope your holiday goes swimmingly.

PicDayThree.

A PICTURE OF THE CAST FROM YOUR FAVORITE SHOW

Rain?

Last time we went camping, we nearly had to swim to our tent, because it rained like a bastard and our tent ended up being in a wee lil pond.  Hopefully we'll stay dry.

PicDayTwo.

A PICTURE OF YOU AND THE PERSON YOU'VE BEEN CLOSEST TO THE LONGEST.

Hmmmm. Since I'm all private about my blog, this one is hard.  I'd do a pic of one of his best features instead.  :)

HA!

Let.

We are going camping, but I'm pretty sure it'll be too damn cold to swim?  At least for me it will be.  Maybe not for JDRW! 

I wonder if the campsite will have WIFI?  Ha!   I do have an aircard, maybe Magnum will let me get my card filled for the weekend?  And, yes, I said "LET" me...because Magnum is now in controll of every red cent I make.  It's a good thing.

And, that's all I got for now. 

PicsDayOne.

A PICTURE OF YOURSELF WITH 10 RANDOM FACTS:

1:  I have really cute toes.

2:  I never close my eyes in the shower.

3:  I love making lists.

4:  This one time, at band camp...HA...um...I never went to camp although I think an adult only summer camp would be awesome.

5:  I love my job.

6:  I kissed a girl and I like it.  Skye would have to be right up there at the top of the list.

7:  I love a challenge.

8:  I love to fish.

9:  I love to cook.

10:  There's nothing better than an afternoon nap.

Swim.

This month the writing theme is swim.  I'm going to try to use the word swim in every blog for July.  Ha, we'll see.  But I guess I've got this one covered.

We are going camping.

Yes.  Camping.  There was ONE spot left at every camp ground in the Schroon Lake area, and I snatched it up yesterday.

In other news...

I need a new name for a new person.  Hmmm...my first thought was Bootylicious...but...I have to think of something less...Beyonceesque.

STOP.  I was just interrupted by the light bulb installers at my work...and there's one of them...who I might take home with me.  :)  He's a cutie.  I have to spend all day today, and all next week with him.  So sad.  :(

Okay, where was I?  New person...I don't know her yet, not really...but still, I already have a New Girl, so I need a different name.  Got it.....

Swim.  I'll just call her Swimmy...then I'll kill two birds with one stone.  :)

So, there's a girl, Swimmy.  I haven't met her yet...but I wanted to say this....

I've seen pictures of her, and she's cute...but I was thinking...eh, kinda skinny.  Except yesterday I saw pictures of her whole self...and let me say...not skinny.  Very bootyesque.  Me likes.  (Haha, so does Magnum, which is pretty funny.)

And, now, I'm going to sign out so I can scarf down my lunch before the bulb boy gets back.  :)