Tada.

TA DA!  I did it.  A blog a day for the month of June!  Yay me.

Screwed.

I'm such a screw up.

I've been trying to do the bills...EPIC FAIL.

I'm a big baby when it comes to money and bills so I don't ever confide in Magnum.

Which leaves me open for all kinds of problems.

Said problems bit me in the ass yesterday, and now Magnum has to clean up the mess I've made.

Funny how being such a screw up makes you appreciate what you've got.

Downer.

I need to put something here, although I don't really know what to put.  I want to say something happy or witty, but I'm just not feeling it.

Every year is the same, over and over, nothing changing.  Somethings need to change.  But I dunno how.

I can't even write a happy list.  WTF is wrong with me?

I look around and all I see are my attempts and failures.  It's so frustrating.

Today is Teenager 3's 16th birthday.  She doesn't live with me...so enter feelings of failure.  It makes me a little sick in my stomach, that she's not here with me. 

And that's all I'm writing right now because it's just a downer fest up in here.

Horizon.

New "friend" on the horizon.  More later.  :)

Spin.

So, a few months back I wrote about our washer and how it was broken and how it got fixed...and blah blah blah.  Right?  So, to end this wonderful weekend, our washer stopped spinning.  Mother fucker.  It really makes me...so angry...or so...just...goddammit...hope is so impossible when this shit happens.

More.

I finished Fly Away Home.  It left me wanting more.  There has to be a sequel.  There's a baby on the way.  We wanna know about the baby dammit.  We wanna know about Doug and Diana.  Dammit!

In other news...

Cole went from being my Cooper, to getting on my last fucking nerve.  I guess at some point he went from being this positive, funny, entertaining person, to being this self centered whiny little bitch.  I just want to yell at him and tell him to Man the fuck up already.  He takes a lot, and gives back very little.  I liked him in the beginning, because he seemed to be positive, but wants  (haha, I am leaving that because I think it's funny...but obviously I meant to write once) I've scratched beneath the surface...well...I don't like.  Eh.  Easy come, easy go.

Speaking of men who need to man up...my ex husband, Little Dick, owes me like $27000 in child support.  He keeps going to court and getting it prolonged...finally I sent him a letter detailing every second he had the kids, I cut him about a 1000 breaks, made a spreadsheet, getting his total owed to $16261.  You think he'd be like, fuck yeah!  Nope.  He is picking at one year.  He says, Well, Teenager number one and her boyfriend lived with me for that whole year, and I didn't make them pay rent or anything.  REALLY FUCK STICK?  It's your daughter!   She doesn't have to fucking pay rent you fucking teeny little dickhead.  Grrr.   I know you have a small penis and it makes you feel like a loser...and it should because dude, that thing is realllly little...but still can't you just get the fuck over it and PAY YOUR CHILDREN what they deserve? 

Ok, next...

One more whiny little tid bit and I'll be done, k?  Where the fuck is the sunshine?  This stupid rainy motherfucking state can suck my big fat...I want to say cock, but since I don't really have one of those...I'll say...toe?  Grrrr....rain, more rain, cold weather, more rain...drizzly pesky drippy fucking rain.  Much hate of the rain.

And there ya have it and there ya are. 

Karma.

Karma is a bitch...I'll get back to that in a sec...

I woke up today, but didn't get out of bed, except to pee.  I laid here lazily, reading Fly Away Home and basking in the warmth that Jennifer Weiner books always seem to emit.   Finally, on page 298, I put the book down and descend the stairs.  I decided to make soup because I was starving, and it's been raining here for about 2 months, and it feels like October not June...so I want soup.

I decide to root through the freezer for vegetables to throw in the soup.  Instead, I do a quick freezer clean out.  I found two things that would become my lunch instead of soup.  A meatloaf tv dinner, and a brand new unopened box of Thin Mints.  OMG. 

So I nuke my tv dinner and I make lemonade and I settle myself in the living room with my found food treasures and the remote.  I think, hmmm, I want something simple and funny and comforting.  I skip past the home remodeling shows and OWN network...skip skip skip until I see, on TNT, a listing for the movie, YOU GOT MAIL.  Ah, Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks?  Does it get any better?  It's been on for about an hour but thanks to Time Warner Cable, I can just hit the little blue button and TADA, the movie starts over...just like magic.

I settle in.  I do not leave the chair.  I refuse to get up on commercial breaks, because I know, once I'm up I'll start cleaning or doing laundry or click click clicking away on the world wide web and, NO, I want to watch this movie. 

So I sit...and I watch.  I laugh and I cry.  I even pause at one point, make Magnum come down the stairs to see that the cashier in the movie is being played by Dr. Torez, from Grey's Anatomy.  During a few commercial breaks my mind would wander, I start thinking of all of the productive things I could be doing.

But I didn't budge.  Good movie, lemonade, belly full....

But, as I've mentioned...Karma is a cunt...because about 5 minutes before the show is over, our cable box decides it needs to reboot.

I don't think I've been that dedicated to a movie, while at home, in a long time.  I'm always flitting around.  I never just sit for 2 hours...ever. 

And, that is why Karma can suck my balls.

YourMom.

Haha.  Your Mom is my go to phrase these days.  Magnum claims he never heard it before.  I use it all the time, for all the wrong reasons...and it cracks me up.  Even funnier, is one day Magnum tried to use it, like this:  Me:  So, who told you about that car?  Magnum:  Your mother.  

BAHAHAHA. 

TakeABridge.

Dickhead.  St. John's wort is your friend.  Get up on some.

A few weeks ago Cole said his friend used to use a term "it's a take a bridge kinda day". 

This morning, was a take a bridge kinda day for me.  Oh my goodness.  I was seven kindsa cryee.  It was not good.

I'm a wee bit better now.  Overall there's a heavyness on my chest...but I'm mostly good.

And, that's all I got for now.

Pee.

Just wanted to get this out there before I leave and get all busy and forget.

We all know I'm in a down place right now...and not a good kinda down place either.  :(  At least I'm aware of the problem though.

I have to pee.  Thought you'd wanna know that.

I'm reading Jennifer Weiner's book...um...wtf is the name of the book?  Great, now I have to go google.  Fly Away Home.  I really love the way she writes!

And, that's all I got for right this second...catchyalater.

DrillThis.

When I go to the dentist, I always dread it, but lately I've been able to calm myself down and not be nervous.  I used to hate it so much, that I'd avoid going at all costs. I've been to the dentist more, since I've moved here to the Cold State, then I've been my entire life.  Seriously.  If you added up all of my dentist trips since birth, they wouldn't add up to the dentist trips I've made since I've been here.  :)  Which is good, I guess.  Anyway, the point is, I love the dentist I have.  He talks to me, almost like I'm a child.  I love it.  But all of that to say this, after they give me the numbing shots, I always have a few minutes of feeling like I'm going to pass out.  I get dizzy, and I feel like I'm slipping away...but then it passes.  Yesterday was my last visit.  Other than routine visits.  Yay.  Oh, and other than the one in the back that I have to have dug outta my head.

My day was pretty icky yesterday.  My mood was absolutely horrible.  Today seems better.  But I'm not really up yet.  :)

FML.

I never use FML.  I think it's a stupid term because I should, we all should, be happy that we have a life.  Especially those of us who are healthy, and not hungry, and have people who love us.

Today, is the first FML day I've had...in years.

I have to go to the dentist.  I don't want to.  I want to cancel right now.  But then I'll be one of those people who cancel at the last minute.  And, I should probably keep the appointment because I've had it booked for about 3 months.  But my mood is so shitty right now...that I hate the thought of going to the fucking dentist.

I have no control over money.  Maybe now that Magnum is doing better, I can talk to him about it. 

I feel like absolute crap.  I'm such a downer.  Maybe I need drugs.  Happy pills.  But in the end, the side effects usually outweigh the benefits...so it's a fucked up situation.

I realized this morning that I have never, in my entire life, since I've been aware of commerce, not been worried or stressed by money.   The stupidest part is, no matter how much or how little I have, I'm still fucking stressed.

And, that's all the whining I have for you this morning folks...as I'm expected to arrive at the dentist in 45 minutes.  Is it too late to cancel?

Suffaction.

I don't feel good.  It's a combination of things.  I fell asleep, but then I was woken up.  And I don't feel good and then I felt like I was suffocating (this happens often in the middle of  the night...which is why I sleep with a fan blowing right on my head.).  So now I'm just layin' on the couch, with my head aching and my vision being rather blurry.  WTF is up with this?

Two things I'll say before I log off...make that 3 things...

1.  I remember now why I used to take Ambien.
2.  If you get the chance, see the movie The Ledge.  Best movie I've seen lately.
3.  Jennifer Weiner's new TV sitcom hits a TV set near you on June 29th. 

Down.

I absolutely thought I already blogged today.  I would have completely fucked up the blog a day thing if I didn't get the urge to write just now.  Because, I thought I already wrote today...wtf?

I am way down today.  Further down than I've been in quite some time.  Weird huh?  I mean, I get pissed, and mad, and hate being here...but I usually don't get down.  And, what stresses me...the worst part of everything...is money...it's completely dictates whether I'm happy or sad.  Fucking blows big fat cottage cheese chunks.  Gag.

In other news...

I reread something I wrote back in November.  I really like it.  I think it's pretty good.  Granted it needs editing and obviously more work...but it's a good foundation.  And, I just remember that someone once said, don't edit along the way...edit and rewrite after you think you've finished.  Right on.  I have the foundation down.  It's just the building on that foundation that needs to be done.

A cop or ambulance just drove by and our dog howled like crazy.  Kinda creepy.  And, on that note...when you hear a siren like that, do you automatically think "I hope it's not someone I know".  Like Magnum just left about 5 minutes ago to go to the gas station.  Then the sirens go screaming by.  So I immediately want to call Magnum to make sure he's ok.

BTW...St. John's Wort is your friend.  I'm not even fucking joking.  The difference between a Magnum who takes it, and a Magnum who doesn't, is incredible.  Night and day.  Divorced vs. not divorced.  I am absolutely fascinated by the difference.  He thinks it's all in my head...but it soooo is not.

And, that's all I got for now.  Hopefully bed will make this sad go away.  Last night it infiltrated my sleep which wasn't a good thing at all.  I want peace and contentment.  God dammit...haven't I earned that?

InsertWittyTitleHere.

I keep lookin' around, thinkin', I could be happy here.   But if I'm being completely honest with myself, no I can't be.

I'll give Magnum credit though...he's been really great lately.  I mean, seriously.  But at the end of the day, I'm still here, and my family is still in Illinois.  If we used this house as a rental, and moved to Illinois, we could make fat money.  In August, when the races are in Saratoga Springs, we could rent our house out for an outrageous amount of money.  We could probably make 6 months of payments in one months time.

But it's all a fantasy...because Magnum won't budge.  And, I can't say I blame him.  His father built this house from the ground up...how can I even suggest he leave it.  But I miss my family...I miss Illinois.  I miss the heat and the air conditioning.  The gardens and the warm sun ripened tomatoes straight from the vine.  I miss being together with family.  I am so alone here.  I am a very social person.  Magnum isn't.

Ok, enough of that nonsense.

In other news...

I think there's some crooked shit going on at my work, and I don't know who to go to about it.  I went there yesterday to help set up for a garage sale, and the cleaning man was in the building managers office, making copies of something.  (FYI, the cleaning man doesn't work on Saturdays.)  Then when I was leaving, I saw the cleaning man, and the old (old as in doesn't work there anymore) handy man walking into the managers office together.  WTF?  It just seems wrong to me.  But what do I do?

Ok, I have to get off of my ass and do something.  My allergies (ugh, I'm on of those people now) are bothering me.

Wait.  Let's leave this on a good note...a list.......

Things I did this week that made me happy:

1.  We went to this little antique shop on Lake Sacandaga yesterday.  It was a lil' piece of heaven.
2.  I ate biscuits and gravy for breakfast yesterday.
3.  I did in 20 minutes (with my compassionate attitude) what my boss (with her I'm the boss that's why attitude) couldn't do in 4 months.
4.  Bought plants for my work garden.
5.  Published.  Granted I'm not really passionate about it.  Wait.  I am passionate about it, but it's poetry, which was done as a challenge just to say I did it.  But, published none the less.

And, for now, that's all I got.  Happy Father's Day, Y'all.  (Yes, I was going to write about Father's Day but it makes me kinda sad, and I don't want to be sad right now.)

Book.

Get it here.

Allergies?

I guess I didn't realize or at least remember that I have allergies.  But good god, my head and nose feel like their huge right now.  And stuffy.  And I feel weak.  Grrrr.

And that's all I can say right now...my head might explode if I think too hard.

Schedules.

I hate being on everyone elses schedule.  I'm tired.  But I can't sleep because no on else is.  Grrrrrrr.

Here.

I'm wicked busy so here's my post for today.  Whether I get to do more later, we shall see.

Rat.

Sleeping in the same room as a hamster really blows.  The fucker runs on his squeaky wheel all night.  Fast.  Until he stumbles and you hear his little hamster body falling over itself...or falling outta the wheel and thunking in the bottom of his cage.  Good Lord.  Why does he run like that.  I mean seriously...for hours. 

In other news, I'm copycatting my friend who published a book.  It's a work in progress.

And, it's early so that's really all I got.

Better?

My throat burns...but I guess it's better than my hoohaa burning when I pee.

Monday is being typical...but it's better than Sunday was.

I'm tired...but it's better than being dead. 

Right?

WhyNot?

I'm hooked on OWN.  I spent the majority of the day in bed because I don't feel good - with a burning throat and just feeling weak...so I tuned into OWN.    And it was a show, a sorta reality documentary about Shania Twain.  If you know anything about me, you know that Shania Twain was never one of my favorites.  I can't even explain why now.  Her songs just started to sound whiny and all the same to me.

You can thank OWN for my complete change of heart regarding Shania Twain.

I won't go into detail here, because my throat still hurts and it causes me to lose focus...but I was amazed by the  show, "Why Not, with Shania Twain".  I am fascinated.

NumberedDreams.

So, the numbers from my dream last night were 312 and 2167.  If you know these number, please inform me.  :)  If they are your phone number, ss number, or locker combination, please let me know.  I have no idea what they mean.  In the dream, Magnum and I were driving into my old neighborhood, and as we are driving up the the house, there's a van and a ups truck parked in the driveway so I tell Magnum not to stop, to just drive by, but as we drive by, I notice my childhood home is gone.  There's a big empty place where it should be.  And that's when someone tells me I have a two reports a 312 and a 2167.  My uncle Lee was in the dream, so I don't know if those numbers relate to him at all. 

Crazy, huh?

My throat is on fire.  I feel tired.  It's like 50 something degrees outside...in June.  I miss home goddammit.

Lulu.

My friend wrote a book.  You can get it here.  I haven't read it yet.  I just got it in the mail yesterday, but it sounds interesting. 

I'm coming down with something.  My throat feels like it's closing.  And there's all this gunk in there.  It's pretty icky.

I'm posting now...I want to write more but Magnum is creepin' around...and it's distracting me.  :)

Boring.

So, my conference was great.   The first day was kinda irritating.  A room full of women with little bowls of candy and a "gift" back with a variety of small bags of potato chips...leads to 8 hours of rattling papers.  And, seriously, women can't sit in a room that long without talking.  I was almost embarrassed because I found the attendees to be rather rude during the presentations.  Talking, candy unwrapping, chip retrieval from extremely crinkly bags. 

It was very informative tho.  I learned that I have HUD rights and regulations that I've never been told about. 

And, really, the trip turned out to be ok.

On the way home we saw Amish people. 

And this is boring.  Bye.

WAP.

When did I become this whiny angry person? 

Here's my bitch for today.

I'm at this conference.  Magnum came with me, which means that JDRW is also here.  Fine.  The trip itself was ok.  Other than some impatience from Magnum regarding JDRW and a crabby attitude from time to time from JDRW, it was a fine trip.

And, the hotel is beautiful.  But, literally, as soon as we get into our room, Magnum settles himself on a bed, turns on his man shows, and that was that.  JDRW settles in the other part of the suite, with the other tv tuned to the Disney Channel.  I decide I want to go walk around and see the hotel a little.  Magnum is so engrossed in his fucking tv, that he's not going to come with us.  So, I make a big production as I'm leaving, and after JDRW and I walk out, Magnum follows about 15 seconds later.  With an attitude.  Which brings me back to, why do I even want him to do anything with me?

Anyway, long story longer, my night consisted of man shows.  At one point, right in the middle of a show that had him completely engrossed, he says, "Wanna watch something else?" and hands me the remote.  Knowing full well that I wouldn't change it.

So, I decide to sleep.  It's 11:30pm, time for sleep.  I can sleep with the tv on.  It soothes me somehow.  But the talking to the tv as I'm trying to sleep...not so much.  I fell asleep and was woken up again by talk to the tv at least 5 times.  Then there were 2 incidents of his phone making some outrageous bleep noise.  Then, talking in his sleep.  Then the snoring.  So at this point, I'm like fuck it, I'll just go out to the other area and sleep on the couch.  HA.  The neighbors are loud assholes.  They are slamming doors.  I finally doze off, and a fucking dick walks up to the door next door and loudly says LINDA?  Wakes me up.  The door next door slams.   So, finally at about 1am I just gave up on sleeping and decided to read.  Of course, when I went back to the bedroom to retrieve my computer, Magnum wakes up.  I walk out of the bedroom, and a few seconds later he pokes his sleepy crabby head out of the bedroom door and gives me a look like, WTF? 

I'm really pretty pissed right now.  This is MY event.  I should be relaxed, chillin', just enjoying my nice hotel room, cool airconditioning, no dirty dishes or cleaning to do.  Instead, I'm here, at 2:27am, whining about the injustice of man shows and noisy neighbors.

Fuckers.

NiceorNothin.

If you can't say something nice, then don't say nothin' at all.

There's my blog for the day in case I get too busy later.

VaCa.

I get to go on a little mini vacation courtesy of work.  I'm really kinda excited.  Granted, there's not going to be much play time because of meetings...but it'll be nice to just get outta town.  Magnum & JDRW are going with me, which I originally thought about NOT taking them, but then Magnum told me he took vacation days to go...and well...at least now I don't have to drive.  Here's my agenda, which is almost humorous to those who don't know what I do for a living: 

Conference Agenda:
Thursday June 9th, 2011:
8:00am-8:40am Registration
8:45 Opening Remarks
9:00-9:45 Renter’s Insurance
9:45-10:45 Hoarding
10:45-11:00 Break
11:00-12:00 Bed Bugs
12:00-1:30 Lunch – Keynote Speaker – Ken Harris Linda Hosmer Award
1:30-2:30 Legal Services for the Elderly
2:30-2:45 Break
2:45-3:45 Veteran Benefits –Unraveling the Healthcare System
3:45-4:45 Regional Roundup
4:45-5:00 Wrap up/raffles


Conference Agenda:
Friday June 10th, 2011:
8:45am Opening Remarks/Election Results
9:15-10:15 Mediation
10:15-10:30 Break
10:30-11:45 Social Security – What is SSI?
11:45-1:00 Lunch & Closing Entertainment
And, in other news....

I'm in a child support battle with my ex husband, who we can call LittleDick, and he owes me over 20,000 dollars.  So, he's been to court twice.  Once he had the court date pushed back.  Then when he came back to court the next month, he offered...wait for it...drumroll please...$1300.  Ha.  When the guy from court told me that yesterday, he even snickered.  I said to the guy, "Now, you see what I'm dealing with."  So, the point is, LittleDick has to go to court this month, on the 20th.  If he doesn't settle things then, and I think we all know he won't, then I will be expected to appear in July.  In Illinois.  :)  Sucks to have to go to court, but I really won't mind a quick little visit to Illinois.

Also, I've been watching Cardinals baseball this week.  And you have to admit, .Albert Pujols is freaking awesome.  Just sayin'.

And that's all I got for now kiddos.  Adios

CrazyGirl.

I am so...bothered...in a good way...this morning.   I'm sooooo girl crazy right not it's not even funny.  Right now my favorite fantasy involves two people, a husband and a wife.  I just love the thought of making a wife want a threesome.  Or not making her want, cuz she'd already want.  But helping her...encouraging her...reassuring her...that it was ok.  Mmmmm. 

I need a shower, pronto.  :)

There's more.  I'll write more.  Later.

7YearBitch.

In other news....here's some of my favorite stuff from other Etsy sellers.  And, I just learned something new.  If you have an Etsy account, you can log on, then you can click on a link to shop for friends, and it'll link to your facebook page.  You pick a friend, and Etsy will produce a list of stuff your friend would like, based on his facebook profile.  I think it's pretty stinkin' awesome.

Today is my 7th Wedding Anniversary.  Of course, I think my marriage is over...so I wasn't planning on anything too great.   I guess Magnum and I are going to dinner, but it certainly isn't like it's been in past years. 

I planted my garden yesterday.  3 Tomato Plants, 3 Pepper Plants, 1 Cucumber plant, 1 Watermelon Plant, 1 Squash plant.  Gardening here, just isn't the same as it is in Illinois.  I can't explain how or why.  It just doesn't smell the same.  And planting here is almost more work than it's worth.  The growing season is so short that you barely get your veggies before it starts snowing again.

And, really, that's all I got for now.

ToDoMe.

I've reopened my Etsy Shop.  Sold another item the other day.  :)  I guess patience does pay off.

Let's start the weekend off with a list.  Lists do make me happy...all cute and organized.

10 Things I want to Accomplish This Weekend:

1.  Get plants from the farmer's market to plant in my garden at work.  (O, I feel a sublist would work well here)  (tomatoes, cucumbers, sugarsnap peas, cilantro, dill, peppers, sunflowers, pumpkins, sage)

2.  Clean out the fridge.

3.  Do the laundry...All of the laundry.

4.  Get dresser from work.

5.  Clean back bedroom...in preperation for next weekend's painting.

6.  Add at least 2 more items to my Etsy shop.

7.  Clean and polish floors.

8.  Grocery shop.

9.  Wow, I'm all out of ideas, wtf?  Plant my garden at home.  (same as above)

10.  Get done.  :)  Really.

Whirlwind.

My day was a whirlwind. 

Welcome!

Yay!  I now have 16 followers.  Welcome to Word Nerd!  Go over and say Hi to her y'all!  :)

Major.

I think something major happened yesterday.  Well, I know something major happened.  Now I'm just waiting to see how it unravels...or is it unfolds? 

In other news...

JDRW asked if we could go to the movies on Tuesday night.  I said, No baby, but we can go tomorrow night.  You know how you can say shit like that to some kids, and they never mention it again?  Yeah, JDRW is not one of those kids.  Wednesday morning he tells Magnum we are going to the movies.  Ha.  So, all that to say, we let him chose the movie and he chose Thor.  I had very little interest in seeing Thor.  However, that's what the kid chose.  And it was an excellent movie!  I'm definitely a fan of that big ol' sexy man who played Thor.  Damn.  He's breathtaking.

And, I can't write well right now because my laptop battery is running low and I'm so stressed because I'm afraid that at any minute it'll say it's shutting down.  So, more later maybe.  I just wanted to get this out there because I'm on the blogroll for June.

Fan.

Top 10 things I am NOT a fan of.  (Do I start at 10 and work my way up, or 1 and work my way down?)

1.  I am not a fan of women who resent other women who are smart and powerful.
2.  I am not a fan of power hungry women who have to grasp at straws to find any flaws in me.  (Not that I'm not flawed, but don't question my work ethic, because in that you will lose, bitch.)  :)
3.  I am not a fan of yogurt.  I ate it today because I bought it and I was hungry and I didn't want it to go to waste, but, I did not enjoy it one bit.
4.  I am not a fan of headaches.
5.  I am not a fan of states, such as the one in which I live, that do not have a Dairy Queen.
6.  I am not a fan of the fact that I can't have a Peanut Buster Parfait because there are not dairy queens.
7.  I am not a fan of people who bend the rules, only as it suits them.
8.  I am not a fan of toilet paper dispensers that do not properly dispense toilet paper. 
9.  I am not a fan of grouches.
10.  I am not a fan of air that can't be breathed.