Don't Remember Writing This.

(I just found this in my drafts??)

JDRW had two ticks today.  One just on his clothes, and on in his arm.  Remind me again why ticks are good for our environment?

I feel icky again.  I was up almost all night last night because I felt so crappy.

Clue.

I'm not good at reading people.  Well at least some people...and it infuriates me.

Let it be what it is.  But wtf is it?

I must have feedback.  Give me a clue.  Ask me to dinner and call it a date.  Ask me for my home number because you want to hear my voice before you sleep.  Tell me you are interested in dating, but you need it to go very very slowly.  Or tell me your not interested in dating but you think we'd make great friends.  Or tell me you just plain ol' aren't interested...our personalities aren't compatible, I'm not your type, I iritate the piss out of you.

Just do something.  Oy.

So then a little voice pops into my head that says:  So just say this stuff to her.......but then I feel...stupid.  And stupid is my least favorite.  :(

Usually, at this point, I just throw in the towel.  arrrrrrggggghhhh.

_____________

Someone once asked me if I __________ my blog because I know he's reading it.  And my answer, at the time, was, "no, I write what I write and if you don't like it don't read it".  (I can sooo totally not think of the word I want.  It's not edit or screen...but something similiar?)

And, that sounds nice.

Except now, I think I am ____________ my blog because if I write what I'm really thinking, someone is gonna read it and either really really like it, really really hate it, divorce me, or get a restraining order.  :)  So...now I don't know what I should write or what I shouldn't write.  It's frustrating.

This is what I will write:

Pink Peppercorn Chocolate-bluck.
Lavender Chocolate-not as blucky as Pink Peppercorn Chocolate, but not something I'll ever crave.
Chocolate Wine-smooth & silky.
New Scarf-absolutely awesome.  Too cute to wear.  And, I totally think I should have paid more for it...
Hugs-sigh.
Hives-yikes.
Kissing kiddos good night-dreamy.
Imagining what I'm imagining but not allowing myself to write-holy fuck.

:)

And, that's all for now.

Unique.

Am I just another girl?

Or am I special?  Different?  A Unique?

I wanna be special and different and A Unique.

Sigh.

Are all girls like this?  Do they all have this need to know that they are special?  Or is it just me and my co-dependent attitude?

Future.

In a perfect world...this is how it would go...

When JDRW goes to school next fall, I would work at Magnum's work with him, and go to school full time.

That would be perfect.

Throb This.

I am a wee bit throbby right now.  Gulp.  As Skye once said to me "I can feel my heart beating, and I don't mean in my chest."  Ha. 

Today is absolutely beautiful.  This is the kinda weather we have in Illinois at Easter time.  I have the windows and doors open.  It's so awesome.

Non-reciprocation.  This scares me a bit.  I'd hate to be one of those girls who is all gagagagagaga & squee and the feeling isn't mutual. 

Did I mention I got 100 on my most recent math test?  Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about.

I had and epiphany yesterday.  I'm starting to believe honesty is not the best policy in some circumstances.

And, I just got stung on the toe by a bee and now nothing is throbbing but my effing toe. 

More later...

Content & Uninhibited.

It's been awhile huh?  The visistor thing really knocked me for a loop.  Like, even though I know I'm doing a good job, suddenly I'm questioning every thing I do and every move I make.  Ugh.

In other news...

I dreamed.  Holy shit.  It wasn't sexual, but it was...intimate.  Dammit.  I woke up so content. 

Today has been the laziest day I've had in a long time.  Zero motivation. 

Oh and I realized, that I'm kinda fucked up because of the time change.  I'm hungry at the wrong times and tired at the wrong times.  I thought I was just going crazy and then I remembered daylight savings.  It screws me hard.  :)

I'm not doing roller derby. 

I am rocking in school.

We are planning our trip to Illinois for Christmas.

I got my haircut, again.

My being healthy thing sorta fell to the wayside, what with all of the Two & Magnum crap that was boggling my mind.  But I'm happy to say, I'm back on the wagon, and doing so so so well.  

And, now I'm going to sleep, because I'm drugged, and I tend to get very...uninhibited post drugged.

Visitor.

So, today I had a visitor.  She was very polite and helpful.  She answered my questions and told me what her concerns were.  She was from Family Services Daycare Division??

Yeah I guess someone mentioned I had a daycare at my house and I guess someone didn't like it?  I don't know how it works.  There are only a few people who even know I have a daycare.  And, the complaint was that I had a daycare with too many kids.  So, it had to be someone who knows how many kids I have or had (as it turns out, as of this morning, I am within my proper limits so boo to you Mr. or Ms. Tattletale).

My concerns are #1, who the hell would call them?  Like, I can't imagine it being one of my parents.  But then again, one of my parents did move their kids to a new daycare (citing a change in schedule as the reason), and I was a little upset about that.  So, they move their kids to a new daycare, and then the following Monday there's a woman knocking on my door about my illegal (NOT) daycare. 

My second concern is, what now?  Like, are they gonna be breathing down my neck about every little thing now?  Not that there's anything wrong with my daycare...it's actually pretty freakin' good if you ask me.  But, we've all heard the horror stories right?  I mean, do I need to run through my house and make sure there are locks on all of the cabinets and plug covers in all of the plugs? 

I'm kinda freakin. 

I'll do the best I can do...and I know it will be good enough. U.G.H.