Now What?

One of my favorite things to do these days is fantasize about finding a job...in St. Louis.  Seriously, I spend way too much time searching for jobs there.  I find some that would suit me perfectly.  I fantasize about working there, about the warmth, the energy, the people, being close to family.  It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.

And, I always tend to search in the medical arena.  Which got me thinking...I love working in hospitals.  But I don't want to be a nurse.  So, what could I do that would make money without having blood and guts spattered all over me?  Healthcare Administration.  Perfect. 

Now what?

Jackwagon

Is there hope?  Is that this feeling I have bubbling ever so softly inside of me?  Tiny little effervescent bubbles poppopopping? 

Ok, enough of that crap.  :)

Now, two things I need to say.  Jason, your surprise will be mailed tomorrow morning.  Yay!  And the second thing I need to say is this:

LEAVE PRESIDENT OBAMA ALONE ALREADY!  Come on people.  I HATE it that he goes to this memorial service and he gives this amazing talk about the victims and about hope for the future and the victims families are all around him cheering and clapping and crying-yet there are still assholes out there who are criticizing him for it?  REALLY?  OMG it makes me angry.   What would you like him to do?  Sit in a circle holding a candle humming hymns?  I listen to the "speech" and it makes me cry.  I think, if people who just chill for a second, they might see that he didn't get up there and give a speech to disrespect anyone.  Good god.  It was a heartfelt speech full of hope and love. 

For the record...when I die.  Do me a favor, okay?  Live, Laugh, Love, Hope.  I hope people stand up and applaud.  I hope people remember the good and let the bad go. 

People who are criticizing President Obama's speech are the people who I don't want sitting next to me on the bus.  Those are the people who are all about finding fault in everything.  Maybe if you try to find the good and quit trying to find the bad, the world would be a better place, you jackwagon!

2011.

So far, 2011 can bite my ass.

In 2011 so far, and we are only 10 days in, I've had the worst fight with Magnum that I've had to date, my daughter's dog got hit and killed by a car, our oven broke, we locked ourselves out of our running car the other morning, the plow on our wheeler busted last night.  We thought we got our oven fixed this morning, but 1/2 hour after the guy left, I realized it wasn't fixed, and it went from being a 100 repair to a 350 repair and I don't even think we paid that much for the effing stove to begin with. 

There's more...but really...I'm too irritated to write right now.

Somebody.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdroC3ER3jE&playnext=1&list=PL0FD919626F6C9A4F&index=7

Drama.

Fuck.

It's too hard goddammmit.

I don't like the pain and the bullshit and the drama. 

Why can't it just be ok?

Over.

This entry has been deleted.  I know what it said.  But I don't want to read it anymore.  I do, however, want a reminder of the date.  So, I kept the spot, just deleted what used to be in it.  And, now I'm going public again.  Yay.

Quench.

Ok, so, maybe a separation is a bit too much to ask for.  Especially since I really need to be finding a job.  But this is what I think...a vacation.  Just for me!  I'm thinking a road trip to Illinois, by myself.  OMG.  The thought excites me so much.  Just me & me driving across country.  My camera.  My music.  My lap top.  A pen & paper.  Grapes.  Pumpkin seeds & a bottle of water.  Not having anyone to answer to.  A week in Illinois to do what (or who) I want.  Sigh.  How sweet does that sound?  I think if I could factor in a periodic trip to Illinois, that might quench my thirst enough to keep me content here in NY.

Thought.

So, I have this thought.  In my head it sounds so good.  An answer that seems like it will give me what I need, without really fucking things up too much. 

I think I should move to Illinois for a few months.  A short little separation to put things in perspective.  Obviously, I would take the kids.  It would give Magnum some time to do some home improvements around here.  And, I need break.  I need to not be alone anymore.  I've whined about it before...but I don't have anyone here.  No one to go shopping with, no one to have lunch with, no ones house to just go to and hang out.  I just need a refresher.

Seriously, just sitting here, is irritating me. 

First.

I'm tired, so this'll be short.

Happy New Year...2011.

If you haven't already, rent Going The Distance.  Magnum said I remind him of Drew Barrymore's character.   And Justin Long...how fucking cute is he?  Wow.