After this blog I'm changing the format of my "titles". It seemed a good idea to just number my posts when I started. Except now...I don't know...it makes going back harder. I'll have to start naming the blogs or whatever.
I guess, when I'm not actually "online" I might have to sit and write some blogs to catch up because things are all boggled in my mind.
I do know this much. Happiness seems to be evading...is that the right word? And, I'm bored with it already. I rambled on and on to Magnum last night about why don't we do what makes us happy? I mean really? What is stopping us (us meaning just people in general) from being happy? What is stopping me from doing what I want to do with my life? Why do I limit myself?
And, why oh why, does panera feel the need to keep it 40 degrees inside? Sheesh.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
179
Midol. Kicks. My. Ass. Dude. I took it because it's all I had in my bag. I have this shoulder pain thingy and so I took two Midol...and now I'm like....doooooohhhhhhhh. Ugh. I was all energetic and excited to blog...and now I'm sitting here at Panera...trying not to nod off. Oy.
And, now I'm going to post so I can get up and stretch or something to maybe get some of the tired out.
And, now I'm going to post so I can get up and stretch or something to maybe get some of the tired out.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
178
I have to be done. I don't want to be done. But really, I think it's time.
And, it sucks.
And, I can't understand why. Is it really just that the grass is always greener on the other side? It might be greener but it doesn't taste as sweet?
I just...I'm just not happy.
I'm afraid. Because what if I'm not happy without? What if I go through this metamorphosis and I'm still just unhappy? Is it possible?
All I know for sure, is I'm too worn out to try anymore. Doesn't that suck? To know that I was so excited and so "in" and now I've been worn down to this?
Pathetic, dontcha think?
And, it sucks.
And, I can't understand why. Is it really just that the grass is always greener on the other side? It might be greener but it doesn't taste as sweet?
I just...I'm just not happy.
I'm afraid. Because what if I'm not happy without? What if I go through this metamorphosis and I'm still just unhappy? Is it possible?
All I know for sure, is I'm too worn out to try anymore. Doesn't that suck? To know that I was so excited and so "in" and now I've been worn down to this?
Pathetic, dontcha think?
Monday, June 15, 2009
177
Ten minutes until my guitar class starts. My heart isn't in it tonight because when I left the house, Magnum was being crabby. He wouldn't talk to me and when I tried to tell him good-bye he just wouldn't even look at me. It just makes me sad. No matter what I do or try to do...ugh. I don't understand. Pffttt...story of my life, right?
There's so much to write, but so little time.
I will say this, on the way here tonight I saw a double rainbow. OMG. It was the most colorful rainbow I've ever seen.
Ok, I have to move on to other crap now. Bah.
There's so much to write, but so little time.
I will say this, on the way here tonight I saw a double rainbow. OMG. It was the most colorful rainbow I've ever seen.
Ok, I have to move on to other crap now. Bah.
Monday, June 1, 2009
175
(J's are smileys)...
Oy. No blogging makes a girl insane! Not that I wasn’t insane already…but whatev.
So, where to begin?
Tonight I start guitar lessons. I’m excited and a little nervous. I’ve never had any sort of musical training at all. So, it should be interesting. There’s nothing I can’t do (except maybe comprehend some math things!!!), so I know I’ll learn a lot. And it’s a beginner’s class, so there shouldn’t be any big show offs. J
I’m practicing recipes for the Saratoga County Fair. Today I made chocolate chip raspberry muffins. They’re good but I think I added too many chocolate chips. I also think they could use a nut of some sort. Maybe pumpkin seed or almond. Mmmm, yeah, I think pumpkin would work nicely.
So, I, hesitantly, handed over the bills to Magnum. It’s a good thing though. I have faith in him and I know he’ll do it well.
However, since Magnum is in control of the moolah, a trip to Illinois is probably not going to happen. I would love to go. But we had a deal, and I didn’t manage to work out my end of the deal. Maybe we can go at Christmas time instead. Although, half the fun is all of the summery things! And, next year, my vacation is going to be in May, so I can attend my graduation! Whoot! (I’m enrolling in the math class for fall instead of summer.)
In Pawn news…she’s so…snuggly. I hadn’t seen her for about 4 days and when she came in yesterday we were hugging and kissing and it was nice. Comfortable. It felt right. And then, last night, she couldn’t sleep, and every time I would roll or move she’d kiss me on my forehead, or arm, or back. Or she’d play with my fingers or hold my hand. The best part of all of this, is that she wasn’t doing it for me. I was sleeping. Ya know? It was just so tender. She’s always playful and we are always giggling or laughing. And the kissing and stuff is nice, but it’s sorta always playful with her. Guarded maybe? Like, if she’s playful then it’s not serious and she’s “protected” against any feelings she might be having. But, last night, when she thought I didn’t know, she let down her guard. Or, maybe she was just desperately bored. J
And, I’m pretty sure she’s moving in. Ask me in two weeks how I feel about it! J Like I’ve said before, if we look at it as a practicality thing, then it just makes sense. I think Magnum decided to do it on a 30 day trial period??
I just made homemade croutons. They are yummmmers.
So, on Friday, Magnum & I will have been married for 5 years. I will always believe that from the moment of my birth, I was making my way to him. Even if I didn’t know it. I love him. J We should have a party or something.
Ha, JDRW just told one of his friends “get over it”. Ha.
Oy. No blogging makes a girl insane! Not that I wasn’t insane already…but whatev.
So, where to begin?
Tonight I start guitar lessons. I’m excited and a little nervous. I’ve never had any sort of musical training at all. So, it should be interesting. There’s nothing I can’t do (except maybe comprehend some math things!!!), so I know I’ll learn a lot. And it’s a beginner’s class, so there shouldn’t be any big show offs. J
I’m practicing recipes for the Saratoga County Fair. Today I made chocolate chip raspberry muffins. They’re good but I think I added too many chocolate chips. I also think they could use a nut of some sort. Maybe pumpkin seed or almond. Mmmm, yeah, I think pumpkin would work nicely.
So, I, hesitantly, handed over the bills to Magnum. It’s a good thing though. I have faith in him and I know he’ll do it well.
However, since Magnum is in control of the moolah, a trip to Illinois is probably not going to happen. I would love to go. But we had a deal, and I didn’t manage to work out my end of the deal. Maybe we can go at Christmas time instead. Although, half the fun is all of the summery things! And, next year, my vacation is going to be in May, so I can attend my graduation! Whoot! (I’m enrolling in the math class for fall instead of summer.)
In Pawn news…she’s so…snuggly. I hadn’t seen her for about 4 days and when she came in yesterday we were hugging and kissing and it was nice. Comfortable. It felt right. And then, last night, she couldn’t sleep, and every time I would roll or move she’d kiss me on my forehead, or arm, or back. Or she’d play with my fingers or hold my hand. The best part of all of this, is that she wasn’t doing it for me. I was sleeping. Ya know? It was just so tender. She’s always playful and we are always giggling or laughing. And the kissing and stuff is nice, but it’s sorta always playful with her. Guarded maybe? Like, if she’s playful then it’s not serious and she’s “protected” against any feelings she might be having. But, last night, when she thought I didn’t know, she let down her guard. Or, maybe she was just desperately bored. J
And, I’m pretty sure she’s moving in. Ask me in two weeks how I feel about it! J Like I’ve said before, if we look at it as a practicality thing, then it just makes sense. I think Magnum decided to do it on a 30 day trial period??
I just made homemade croutons. They are yummmmers.
So, on Friday, Magnum & I will have been married for 5 years. I will always believe that from the moment of my birth, I was making my way to him. Even if I didn’t know it. I love him. J We should have a party or something.
Ha, JDRW just told one of his friends “get over it”. Ha.
174
Written on May 31st, 2009:
Ok, so, it’s the last day of May and it’s like 30 degrees outside. Well, maybe that’s a little extreme, but it’s damn cold. WTF?
Ok, now I have to pee. So I guess later.
Ok, so, it’s the last day of May and it’s like 30 degrees outside. Well, maybe that’s a little extreme, but it’s damn cold. WTF?
Ok, now I have to pee. So I guess later.
173
Written on May 29th, 2009: (And don't forget, the J's are happy faces!)
I don’t remember what I’ve written about or what I have not written about.
It’s different when I write in Word to copy and paste to my journal later. It’s different because it’s not live? Somehow?
It’s been raining for 3 days. Which makes me want to bake. J Or snuggle. And since I got no snuggle partner during the day, I baked. Oatmeal Raisin, Spritz (which are buttery delicious), and Peanut Butter. And then, I came up with an idea that was inspired by the new M & M’s flavor, Peanut Butter & Strawberry. I made my peanut butter cookies with strawberry preserves filling. They were yummy.
When I sit around the house, I think. Sometimes, that’s good. Sometimes, not so much. J I’m looking around wondering how I can change things up in my house to make it cozier.
NOTE: This is where my friend Angela stopped by and stayed for the day and it is now two days later, so I’m gonna post this and write something new. J
I don’t remember what I’ve written about or what I have not written about.
It’s different when I write in Word to copy and paste to my journal later. It’s different because it’s not live? Somehow?
It’s been raining for 3 days. Which makes me want to bake. J Or snuggle. And since I got no snuggle partner during the day, I baked. Oatmeal Raisin, Spritz (which are buttery delicious), and Peanut Butter. And then, I came up with an idea that was inspired by the new M & M’s flavor, Peanut Butter & Strawberry. I made my peanut butter cookies with strawberry preserves filling. They were yummy.
When I sit around the house, I think. Sometimes, that’s good. Sometimes, not so much. J I’m looking around wondering how I can change things up in my house to make it cozier.
NOTE: This is where my friend Angela stopped by and stayed for the day and it is now two days later, so I’m gonna post this and write something new. J
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