Creamy.

It's no wonder I have to take drugs to help me sleep with the way Magnum snores.  Good lawd.  I decided to not take them last night, because we got to bed late, and because I think they are making me wicked groggy during the day.  But I've been awake for about an hour now...and I probably could have fallen back to sleep if it weren't for his royal snoring highness up there.

We saw Girl With A Dragon Tattoo tonight.  The movie itself, with a few scenes, disturbed me.  I'm not so sure those scenes, with such a graphic nature, were necessary for the telling of the story...but still they were there.  It kinda makes me sick to my stomach.  I had no idea what the movie was about before we saw it, I only knew that Rooney Mara was in it, and although I'm not familiar with her work, I love her sister Kate Mara.  So, anyway, Rooney Mara should win an award or three for her portrayal of this character.  She was incredible.  I loved her, but I won't see the movie again simply because it fucked me up in the head.  Yeah, yeah, even more so than usual.

In other news, Panera Bread Company, whose origins are in St. Louis-of course-and was originally called St. Louis Bread Company-has THE best tomato soup I've ever partaken of.  It's soooo good.  And, I just spent about 1/2 hour looking for pictures of it, but then I started reading copy cat recipes and now my stomach is literally growling for more.  I've never been a fan of tomato soup, but this creamy tomato of theirs is divine.  If we go out tomorrow I'm having another bowl.

And, on the yummy note, I think I am sleepy enough to go back to sleep...but not back to bed.  I'm on the couch and he's still snoring insanely.  :)  

Cya.

Wow, last night was rough.  Magnum made some remark as I was climbing into bed about how I mess up a bed so bad, so I stormed downstairs and cleaned the bathroom whilst crying my head off.  Dude, srsly?  O, well.  It's been a rough week.

I sent about 5 resumes to different companies today.  A few I'm really interested in.  I will not be sad to see this year go.  It's been rough.  2012 is a much better number than 2011 was anyway.

I've already created my new blog.  It's going to be more informative and less personal and whiny.  Thank eggs for that.

I guess I won't be going home for my mother's birthday, although I'm going to try like hell.  Maybe for my birthday I can get a plane ticket to her birthday?  Ha!

I'm still waiting for my grades from the fall semester.  I'm going crazy waiting.  I have no idea when to even expect them.  I'm also considering taking a two week course in January for Excel.  But that would hinder any job prospects...but isn't it customary to give employers a two week notice before moving into a new job?  So what difference would it make if I had to finish two weeks of school?  The class starts on January 3.

I'm having a date with Magnum tonight.  I'm half excited half not.  I mean, we do the same ol' thing and when I suggest something out of the box he whines.  So, we do the same thing.  But it's better than no thing, right?

Country.

I watched Sweet Home Alabama to cheer myself up...but it just made me miss home more.

You can take the girl outta the country, but you can't take the country outta the girl.

I'm sad.

Oral.

OH MY GOD.  I don't know if it's that time of year, or time of month or wtf is going on but I swear I'm on the verge of a nervous fucking break down.

I was supposed to be taking JDRW to his Tae Kwon Do class tonight and in this stupid fucking state I got lost.  I HATE it.  I never fucking found it and I had to just come home.

Now I'm home but I'm still so fucking irritated I could scream.

I also just fucking realized that I've been writing excellent written and oral communication skills instead of verbal. WTF is wrong with me.  I'm goddamn losing it.

I hate this state.  I'm here only because of Magnum and that hardly seems fucking fair.

My head is going to explode but at least I won't be stressed.

LastWeek.

The week between Christmas and New Year's is the hardest week of the year for me.  Especially this year.  I need a job.  But I don't just want a job, I want to do something that makes a difference.

Physically I have felt crappy this week.  No idea why...maybe just the no job, no money thing is getting to me.

I just feel so completely blah.  Maybe it's no school, no job, Christmas is over, no snow.  I haven't been able to do a fucking thing since Christmas.  Just laze around.  I can't get motivated to do anything.  When JDRW goes back to school I'll be working with Magnum, which is good.  But it seems soooo far away.

Maybe I'm not supposed to do anything this week.  Maybe I'm just supposed to chill, relax, hang out with JDRW.  JDRW isn't ready for the tree to come down, so I'll leave it up until New Year's Day.

This Christmas could also be the last Christmas I have with Teenager 2 for a while since he's joining the Air Force on January 11th.  Sigh.

I know it will all come together.  I know that it'll all click into place.  But this me I am right now, is not a good me.

And I have a huge pimple on my forehead.  :)  Grrrr.

Booked.

Hmmm, so I saw Skye's girlfriend today at the mall.  Not at all what I expected.  At all.  I'm sooo different from her.  I said to Magnum, she's got nothing on me.  And Magnum said, yes she does, Me.  

In other news...

I got all of my shopping done today.  Except stocking candy, which I'm going to have Magnum do tomorrow when he's out shopping for me.  :)  I'm happy with what I've gotten.  Yay!

I sent a copy of my book to my mother.  It was supposed to be sent for Mother's Day but I never got it in the mail so I sent it to her in the Christmas box to Illinois.  Now, here's the best part.  My brother "gets" it.  He gets the poems.  He won't even let my mother have her book back because he wants it.  They've called me 3 times raving about my book.  It makes me feel good.  :)  As a matter of fact, my brother has actually had to explain the meanings of some of the poems to my mother.  :)  He's a song writer so I should have known he'd love it.

And, finally...my favorite show ever is Big Bang Theory.  I'm addicted.

98.

I love routine.  I love doing certain things on certain days.  I don't do routine, but I wish I did.  Like, grocery shop on Mondays, cook chicken for dinner every Wednesday...that sort of thing.

I'm about 25% done with getting the house ready for Christmas.  But by 6 o'clock tonight I'll be 98% done.  There's always that 2%.  I might spend the evening making homemade no bake cookies since my oven is still broken.  But you'd be amazed at how many different cookies and candies you can make without an oven.  And, I love it that it makes me be creative.

I'm not even close to done with shopping, but I've got it all in my head...all the things I still need to buy.  As a matter of fact, I'm going to type up my shopping list right now.  I love lists!

But first, just let me say this:  I see from afar a relationship that goes like this.  She said she's in a relationship, but the other doesn't.  She brags her relationship all over, but the other doesn't.  I just think one is into it way more than the other.  I'm just sayin.

O, and I've also witnessed something recently that I find rather odd.  When certain women are away from their men they are these strong outspoken phenomenal people.  But when they are present with their men, suddenly they are these meek, undecided, weaklings.  It's just such an odd thing to me.

HoMade.

I missed Skye for the first time today.  Just in a friend way...mostly.  I miss her arms.  :)  But mostly I just miss hanging out with her and feeling comfortable.  I don't feel that comfortable around anyone who I'm not either related to, or married to.  :)  She was just so cozy.

I made homemade Thin Mint cookies tonight.  OMG.  They are yummo and the easiest thing ever.

Wow, the whole 70's Farrah Fawcett look is coming back.  I love it.  Or maybe it's been "in" for a while and I'm just now getting the memo. (Haha, that link is from 2009...so maybe it's just now reaching the east coast?)

The semester is over.  I feel like I can breathe again.  I've been applying for jobs.  Magnum says he might have some work for me, and another local guy might need some help with his company.  Which is exactly what I want to do.  I'd love to help a company start up.

Still no snow here in upstate.  :(  But it did finally get reallllly cold.  I did some Christmas shopping today.  And, I'm almost done already.

And I'm distracted by this new game show called You Deserve It.

AtLast.

You've heard the story before, but I never get tired of telling it.  Very soon after my dad died, my younger brother was in my dad's bedroom, and the radio came on...we still don't know why it came on...maybe it was an alarm clock radio and it was set.  But, what we do know is that the radio came on and the lyrics my brother heard, (before he nearly ran from the room with fear), were, "here we are in heaven, and you are mine at last".  Before then I had never heard of Etta James or the song At Last.  I researched and found out who it was.

Today on the news they said Etta James was sick with cancer and dying.

Maybe she can sing to my dad in person.  Maybe they'll sing together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Q2rZb7E0EY&feature=related

Couch.

I miss my family.  I'm sick today with a sore throat and I'm home alone and it's raining outside and I just miss being able to go to my mothers and eat soup and sleep on the couch.  I also miss them because Christmas is literally right around the corner.  I just want to sleep so I don't miss them.

The job search is sucky so far.  I've applied to a few places and haven't heard back from any of them yet.

And, just writing this little bit has worn me out.  So back to bed I go.

AlmostOver.

It's finally getting cold here in upstate.  Not enough snow for my liking tho.  I hope we have a white Christmas.  Because if it's going to be cold, snow makes it all worth it.

2 more days.  Just 2 more days of the semester.  I have A's in 3 of my classes.  No telling what I got in Spanish. I fell behind somewhere in that class and never caught back up.  I emailed the instructor about it.  We shall see how that turns out.

I'm changing my major, again.  For two reasons.  The more time I spend with kids, the more disgusted I am.  Not really at the kids, but at their parents.  If your kid has a nasty disgusting runny nose, for fucks sake keep him home from basketball practice on Saturday morning.  Every kid in that gym, and every kid in that elementary school has the potential to touch that basketball that your nasty kid is snotting all over.  And, if your kid has a nasty pink watery slimy eye...for fucks sake...keep them home you fucking loser!  Ok, enough about that.  The second reason is this:  when I think about what I enjoy doing more than anything-besides that you pervs-it would be working for people.  I love someone to say "Hey, you think you could do this?".  I'm really go at that sort of thing.  Letter writing, note taking, making appointments, finding stuff online, ordering things, making reservations.  Personal assistant, clerical, secretarial stuff.  So, I'm changing to Business Administration.  Plus, it can be done completely online.  Of course, this all depends on Pell and whether that will pay for an Associate of Applied Science Degree in Business Administration.

In other news...still stressing about Christmas.  Not as much as I was...but still it's there.

And, that's all I got for right now.  I'm just kinda chillin.  Oh, and job hunting like a crazy woman.  Srsly.  I need a job in the worst way!  Sigh.

Look.

What do you think of the new look of the blog?

I'm distracted by Kathie Lee and Hoda.  I love them because they are always so giggly and they don't act all snobby.  

Today is a good day.  We put our xmas tree up over the weekend.  It's a big awkward thing we cut right out of our own woods...but I love it.  The star on top is slightly crooked.  I love the ambiance of the tree.  I'm sitting here eating my breakfast, watching Kathie Lee and Hoda in the glow of the tree.  It's sooo cozy.

I only have 5 more days of school.  I made it.  I'm actually afraid to say that because there are 5 more days, but I made it!  :)  As you all know the fall kicks my ass, and I made it.  I had a few really rough weeks, but I think I'm over the hump.  It is good.

Christmas is looming on the horizon, which I'm still a little bit worried about.  But it always comes together just fine, so I'm not going to fret.

My mother's birthday is in January.  She'll be 60, and there's going to be a party.  It is my goal to go to Illinois for her birthday.  It would be grand if we could all go.  Flying is too expensive, but if we had a reliable vehicle, we could drive out.  Of course, JDRW & Teenager 2 both have perfect attendance so far this year, and I'll hate to screw that up.

In other news...

I'm not seeing Skye anymore.  It was bound to happen.  And here's something that was unexpected.  I like her girlfriend.  Like seriously.  There was a little misunderstanding the other day but once I actually communicated with her, I was impressed.  So you go Skye!  I'm still not happy about how Skye handled some stuff, and I'm not a fan of her little white lies...but overall it's a good situation.  I'm thankful for the half a minute I had with her.

Coming in January, I'm going to create a new blog page with more informative stuff.  Like, recipes, crafty stuff, organization tips.  I'm excited.  It'll launch on January 1st.  I'll post a link when I have one.

And, that's all I got for now.  I'm going to do some more decorating.

Lack.

I know it's silly and very materialistic (?) but I can't get into the holiday spirit when I don't have money.  I'm so stressed out about money, or lack there of, that the thought of putting up a tree just makes me panic.  I hate it.  And, it's the same every year.  It doesn't get better.  Same shit, different year.  I read about all of these people out shopping for gifts, meanwhile I'm sitting at home wondering how I'm going to afford any gifts at all.  My fault for going back to school instead of getting a job.  But school will be over in 6 days, and I can start working again.

I have applied for two evening shift positions, which would work for now I guess.  But I won't get to see JDRW at all.

Sigh.

Bullet.

Ha.  I just got a message from the girl Skye is seeing saying "Please leave her alone."

First I just have to say REALLY?  Are you kidding me?  Skye couldn't have told me that?  Or is Skye just giving the girl the impression that I'm bugging her and I won't leave her alone so she had to call in the girl to strong arm me?

It's neither here nor there.  I answered the girl honestly...she can choose to believe me or not.

I'm not fb friends with Skye anymore.  I won't be seeing her.   This morning I missed her.  Now, I'm thinking I dodged a bullet.

Man.

For the record, I will never marry a man again.  Never.  Ever.  Again.