Resolve This.

Let's go over last years resolutions and see how I've done...

2009 Resolutions




* Make something creative for my home each month.  (Eh, I do good at this in general.)



* Use cloth bags for shopping-no more plastic bags.  (I do this and I am very proud of that fact!)



* Walk on the treadmill 1/2 hour, 3 days a week & work out arms to get definition.  (Yeah, right.)



* Get out a debt. (This is the hardest for me...but I will be diligent.)  (I've actually done a really good job of doing better with money.)



* Eat healthier. Organics, whole grains, fruits, veggies, broiled or baked meat, fish, chicken, fewer sweets, drink more water.  (Surprisingly, I've done better with my overall eating habits this year.  I've lost about 15 pounds...not bad?)



* Get the basement organized & cleaned. (Buy plastic containers with lids for keep stuff. Donate stuff.)  (Yeah, not so much.   But a little bit...which is better than no bit.)



* Work to keep my room clean & organized.  (I just moved out of the messy room.  Ha.)



* Get the kids rooms painted, redone, etc.  (Well, no.  Not even close.  But the kids moved out over the summer so this became less important.)



* Explorer fixed or traded or both.  (Gone baby gone.)



* Pay off college bill by summer to enroll in summer math course for graduation 2010.  (YES! YES! YES!  Tomorrow is my math final, and I am so passing the class.  Holy Cow!  I am all done and ready for a 2010 Spring Graduation!)



* Get out of debt and save for Illinios trip...June 21, 2009.  (Ok, so we didn't get our summer trip to Illinois, but we are getting a Christmas Trip instead, and I'll take it!!)



* Recycle.  (I've done this a bit.  It's hard.  Of course, it's hard to be passionate about something when those around you aren't so passionate.  But this is something I will continue to work on.)




* Be nice to all...even if I don't wanna.  (With the exception of one person...I'm all good.)



* No fast food.  (Ya know, oddly enough, I didn't even remember that this was a resolution, but I don't eat nearly as much fast food now, as I did before.  So, although I do indulge occasionally, I'd say I'm 80% there.)



* Believe.  (This one has been hard for me.  It's been a rough year at times.  I will always work on this one though.)

Holidays.

People always ask, "what's your favorite holiday?"  And, I always say Easter or Valentine's Day.  Christmas is usually too stressful, and Thanksgiving is just boring to me.  For a long time it was Halloween, but, for the past few years, October has not been my best month, at all.  So this morning I was thinking, you know what my favorite holiday is??

New Year's Day.

I love it.

I love the potential of the new year.  I love that it feels like a fresh start.  We struggle through 12 months of holidays and birthdays and seasons and life, and then January 1st comes along, and we can start fresh, and try to do better this time.

I love it.

Happy Happy Me.

I've been crabby.  I've been having issues with not being able to get organized, and feeling like I was taking 2 steps forward and 18 steps back.

Yesterday I felt better.  I cleaned.  The house looks awesome.  Tomorrow I start packing for the trip.

Magnum had a small trip today.  He called me, and I answered all happy happy me (which is rare these days) and he asked how my days was.  I say it's been wonderful.

Then, I make the mistake of asking him how his day is going.

Do you even want to guess?  Two called him and wanted him to meet her at Dunkin' Donuts for coffee.

It is never never going to end.

The Old Chick.

I'm not the oldest person in my math class.  That makes me happy. 

Of course, me being me, I asked the old chick to dinner.  :)  (I say old chick because she's older than my "usual".  She's 41.) 

So last night we went to dinner.

It was nice.  There was no awkwardness at all.  There was never a void or an empty space in the dinner.  She's a happy girl.  She's not Emo.  Not once did she say anything negative...how refreshing, right?

I liked it that she did the ordering.  Well, she ordered the appetizer and the dessert for us to share.  And, of course, if you know me, I love that.  She made the decisions.  It was such a nice change of pace.

She has a boyfriend and at this point I have no clue if she's bi or not.   But, I don't have to date her to be her friend.  Wow, I'm growing up huh?

Don't get me wrong, of course I would date her.  But I didn't see her and go "omg I have to have her".  I mean she certainly isn't Skye.  (DAMN kissing Skye was absolutely awesome though...I think she's in town for the holidays too.....wait, stop, don't go there!)  She is just...nice.  Maybe I just usually attract people who are emo?  I dunno.

So anyway, it was good.  It's not a crazy infatuation (like it usually is with me), it's a calm happy thing.  Yay me.

Mud.

My irritation and aggravation are crazy this week.  I can't seem to....OHHHH wait...It IS PMS week.  Well, fuck.  No wonder I'm so damn crabby.  That makes me feel so much better.

I feel like I'm trying to run in mud.  And, I can't get my head around anything.  Makes me want to scream and then hide in a corner, roll up in a ball, and hum myself to sleep.

O my.

Ney.

I really really miss Ney. 

I guess I'll go back into the dating pool....but it's kinda scary in there.

But I really do miss...it.  It being the relationship with a woman.

Nightmares.

I had horrible nightmares.   So horrible that now I'm just laying here, and the emotion is so high, that I'm tearing up. 

And, I'm all alone.

Fuck.

Break.

I need a break.  But I feel guilty when I say that. 

But all day long I have little voices asking things of me.  And, I need a break.

NAG.

I need a girl.  I miss girls, women, the female touch.  Sigh.

Girls notice things.  And say nice things about things they notice. 

And when I say, Isn't this a great rug?  She'll get all squee with me about it.  And, when I make her cookies or pie, she'll moan when she takes a bite because it IS that good. 

I just miss the closeness of a girl, because girls get it.  And, right now, it would be nice to have it gotten.

But its so fucking hard all the time.  Complicated.  Frustrating.  Ugh.  Why can't she just be here?

Sick Ticket.

Holy cow.

So, Magnum has this nephew.  He's...22ish??  Anyway, he is freakin' gorgeous.  I mean like model gorgeous. 

Anyway, tonight he's having a concert (Yes, the boy is in a band...and we all know how crazy that makes me), and I'm going to be his official band photographer.  :)

The point is, for the past two nights I've dreamed about him.  And, let me just say, I have the most awesomely vivid dreams.  HOLY COW.   I won't go into too much detail, but we were together walking down a sidewalk, and just kinda joking around and then he grabbed me and hugged me and we kissed and I was all giggling (and happy & content) and I said "what are we doing, I'm almost forty and I'm your aunt".  Of course, that didn't stop me from making out with him some more. 

Magnum would say "you are one sick ticket".  Yup, that's me.  :)